I Dread it When He's Coming Home, Am I Wrong

by Kelli

My bf is otr ( 4 yrs now) with our dog Paris 😊. I work full time ( home health care) I work 12 days straight and I am only off every other weekend when he’s home.

While he’s gone I do daily house chores to maintain the house while I’m working but when he’s home OMG... he is such a slob!! I spend my weekends off cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. By the time the weekend is up I feel like I haven’t had a day off. I am so tired !

I also pick him up when he’s home and take him back to the truck. I run my life and work schedule around his job plus I pay ALL the bills and handle EVERYTHING at home.

He don’t even help me out when he’s home and I’m so pissed off about it! I tried to talk to him about it last night and basically what he is saying is because he makes more than me he pays most of the bills FOR ME ( bcuz he’s never here) that’s it should be my responsibility to do all of this and him paying the bills is how he shows appreciation and that should be enough.

He is unwilling to compromise on helping me out when he’s home. And there are also things he can do to help out while he’s on the road too, for example... the lint filter in the dryer broke the other day ( I told him this) he was sitting for 38 hrs while I was working 11 plus hrs a day.

I feel that he could have looked online and ordered the part for it the same as I did here but he didn’t so I had too. He told me I didn’t give him the model number. I didn’t know he was sitting or I would have .

I’m really just so tired and aggravated with him and this situation. He is coming home this weekend and I am dreading it. am I wrong for feeling this way ?

I really just want some help around here so I can relax a little too. Between the dog shedding constantly, his cig ashes all over the floor and his table and normal cooking cleaning and laundry I feel like I’m ready to snap on him.

Also I am sick of running my WHOLE LIFE around him and his job just to be taken for granted ALL THE DAMN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

Plz help! Any advice is appreciated

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Feb 09, 2019
Seems Reasonable to Me
by: Hervy

Based on your side of what's going on, I think it is natural for you to not look forward to him coming home.

What is there to celebrate?

Seriously though.....with all you are stating, why are you still in this relationship.

I understand it's been 4 years. You didn't say anything about kids.

He's taking you for granted and doesn't communicate his love for you in a way that makes you feel love. When you bring to his attention, he blows it off.

Is there still an attraction? Love? or resistance to change due to the length of time (and whatever else) that is already invested in this relationship.

Because if it is for reasons that don't justify what you are currently dealing with and for as far as you can tell will be stuck with, why stay in this?

I am just posing questions for you to think about.

I don't have better advise, because I don't like to see boyfriends or girlfriend put up with being treated poorly indefinitely.

When your partner is doing you bad and you bring it to their attention and he/she only blows it off, usually things don't change.

Those types of people tend to not change the way he/she treats you until there is a stimulus which might cause change.

So if you were to say you've had it because you're not happy. THEN maybe he will try to do better.

In my opinion, I think you should bring up a conversation about what the plans are for the future of the relationship. His response to that might help you decide what to do next.

If he is not put off by that question and asks you why....

First of all after 4 years, it's not an unreasonable question. It's a smart responsible question. So if he has a problem with it, ask yourself why.

If he doesn't have a problem with it, but still he wants to know why this question now, let him know.

Because if we are going to take it to another level, then we have to get on the same page first. Because if some things don't change, then we are not going further and we probably shouldn't keep going as we are now.

This is just my 2 cents. Maybe you don't mind being mistreat and you just needed to vent.

By the way a book for you and him to read together is 5 Love Languages. If he is willing, it will cover how people communicate love differently.

He can't expect you to feel loved because his way of showing it is by paying the bills when your needs are help around the house (service). By the way, that is common of men. It's a matter of his desire to become a better man and spouse and how open he is to self improvement/personal development.

Some people are open and some think they don't need to improve who they are.

Again, for me, these attitudes inform me whether to stay and work on it or go.

Best of luck

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