I am confused and need some honest opinions please...

by Mary
(Florida)

Hi...I am 38yrs old and my hubby 32 yrs old. I have been married to my truck driver husband for nearly 10 yrs. Though I had some trust issues before...they were mild.

A yr and a half ago..my husband was released from prison after serving 3 yrs (we saw each other 3 times in 3 yrs) He did time in another state. It was costly to see him. That's why I couldn't see him as often as I would like.

We have 2 beautiful babies.A 5 and 4 yr old.My problem is this....I didn't know about his illegal activities..till he was arrested. He says that was his 2nd time hauling pot and the only reason he did it was cuz of the money. I waited for him. Our kids were babies. My daughter had not been born yet. She was born 4 days after his arrest...my son was 10 months. I raised them alone. Showing them pics of their Dad.

When he got out..I asked him to start fresh. Clean slate. I asked him if he had ever cheated. He said once and he felt bad about it. It was with a waitress (which I don't believe). He slept with her but he said he felt soo bad...if he did..it doesn't show..since according to him..he slept with her twice...in the same night. I can't shake it off. I don't trust him...more now than ever.

What got to me was his illegal activities. He hid that from me...and I didn't notice. Makes me think...he can hide "other things" and I wouldn't notice. I can't say I have seen anything weird. He doesn't turn off his phone when he gets home. He is completely aroused with me...just by kissing him..in 10 yrs..I think it's pretty good that it happens. I don't have hints. He calls me many,many times a day. We even Skype. He says he has changed..he is not the same man he was. Prison changed him and sees what he has and wants. He "Has" changed. I've noticed. He is way more mature. His friends are not important anymore. He cooks in the truck to save money. I don't know how to explain it. I just "feel" he is. It "feels" like he's cheating. I could be paranoid but I don't know what to do. I have asked him point out..we have good communication..but he says no way.

I play with him and tell him "You better watch it..I can put a spy cam in the rig" and he says "Go ahead". I have told him that I could put an investigator..he says no one will do it...who can follow a truck driver. It kills me to feel this way but I don't know what to do. I am unhappy.

I know we love each other and when he is not on the road..we are like newlyweds. We have gone through soo much...and it hurts me to even think of leaving him. Our kids are so small. This is not what I want for them.

I myself have divorced parents and I hated it. I wanted to give them what I didn't have.Please ladies and your husbands too.Can you help me?What do I do?Can I "DO" something to bring back the trust?Can we repair this at all?He says "I know you don't trust me..and I completely understand you...I deserve it. I will win back your trust!".

A yr and a half has gone by but it's not there still. I hate this...I hate feeling this way. I want a different point of view. I want someone's opinion looking in. I can't talk to my family. If they know I have this issue..they will start to hate him. It took awhile for him to "win" them back after his arrest. Lord...please help me here...get me out of this rut!!!!