I absolutely DO resent my husband's lifestyle CHOICE!
by Just call me D
(on the road, as usual)
I tried posting a comment in the "Resentment" thread but was kicked out because it said I entered the wrong word 3 times. :-(
Anyhow, here's the comment I wanted to post there:
As one poster mentioned in the "resentment comment" the otr lifestyle is NOT conducive to family life, not at all.
I have a LOT of sadness, anger, resentment, and bitterness at my husband's lifestyle CHOICE. It seems that the ONLY thing that matters is the stupid truck or some stupid load. And anytime a family issue, bill issue, etc. came up over the years it's always "I've got my own crap to deal with, I don't want to hear about it". He NEVER wants to hear about anything. He just wants to be in his own little world with no "outside" interference.
He spent 16 out of the last 23 years over the road. That's definitely not conducive to a marriage either. He's had local jobs (which he actually made MUCH BETTER money at) on and off over the years and those times were actually pretty good.
But he was always antsy to get back on the road. Apparently a local driver isn't a "real truck driver" so he'd go otr for a while and when things would finally start to fall apart enough he'd come back local for a while.
As our marriage of almost 34 years now, had declined over the years I never left and never strayed. But I swore to myself that after my kids were grown that that's it, I'm gone! But I'm still here.
I have been living his lifestyle in a truck for the last 3 years now. The first month was actually fun and new and interesting and we started to get to know each other again, but that was all short lived as his lifestyle began to get in the way.
It is most definitely NOT a glamorous lifestyle, it's far from it. It basically consists of driving and waiting 14 hours a day (98 hours a week) and 10 hour break for catching up on paperwork, eating, sleeping, showering, for a total of 168 hours a week in a truck for 2-4 weeks at a time.
Eating a meal and showering are not daily occurrences either. On occasion you may get to stop for a decent meal and/or a shower but that's not a DAILY thing.
The following 2 mos I mainly sat back and observed. And handling the lousy paychecks (compared to hours actually worked - $700 for a 98 hour work week, really??? And he thinks it's good money? That's NOT EVEN MINIMUM WAGE for crying out loud).
NOBODY should have to work that many hours and especially for such little pay. It just hit me like a tons of bricks one day - He left us for THIS? How? How could he? I cried each night alone in my bunk for the next 3 days.
What started out as a temporary thing had turned into a nightmare that basically ruined our marriage and family life. We went from being married for 11 years and barely ever being apart to NEVER TOGETHER.
I absolutely DO resent it every single day. This was NOT the life I wanted for us, for myself, or for our children. I've spent MORE of my marriage sleeping ALONE and still sleep alone as there are 2 single bunks in this truck.
And to the poster who talked about "providing". Being a “provider” isn’t ALL about money, it’s also about “providing” love, attention, support, inspiration, compassion and guidance. Its about PRESENCE, not presents.
All you need to "provide financially" is a JOB. This is NOT a job, it's a LIFESTYLE.
As someone else said"yes, he's making a living out there, but what about making a life?" And making a living at what COST? The cost is just far too high.
There HAS to be balance to make a marriage and family unit work. Our lives and HIS lifestyle has NO BALANCE.