Help! I need some advice
Hi, my name is Tiffany, this is a little lengthy but please bare with me. I will greatly appreciate any and all advice. My boyfriend is leaving for his training for truck driving next week in another state, and will be gone for a few weeks.
I am the one that suggested going to truck driving school to begin with; however, I believe that I am starting to regret this.
I started reading stories from others with experience of dealing with being in a relationship with a truck driver, and I have not found a positive story so far.
He has been married before (divorced for three years) and also has a four year old son, whom I adore; however, his family and even he have said some things to that I interpreted to be that he tends to always run back to her over and over again. Although he has never bluntly said that, his family has implied it.
Although, his family has told me that they have never seen him act the way he does when he is around me (in a positive manner) I have still have insecurities about this. Also, sometimes he will say something like “I did such and such for so many years (with his ex-wife) and I wont do that again.” for example the other day I got a little bit emotional over some family and personal issues that are going on in my life at the moment, and he repeatedly would ask me what was wrong which I loved because it showed me that he might actually care a little bit, but I could not get myself to tell him what had upset me, all that I really wanted him to do is hold me, but my stubborn self would never say that.
And then he got mad and later said something to the fact that “he shouldn’t have to beg me to tell him what is wrong and he did it with his ex for however long that they were together and that he told himself that he would never do that again.” And this isn’t the first time that he has referenced his relationship with his ex-wife and then said that he would not do it with me.
This definitely upset me and I even told him that it makes it sound like he tried in their relationship but wouldn’t try in ours as he did in theirs. He never really replied to this, all that he said was that if he didn’t care about me that he wouldn’t be with me. We haven’t actually said those three magical words yet, and I totally respect that because I actually want to make sure that I mean it this time, I do believe that I love him, (I think; however I have a lot of doubt which I know isn’t a good sign) as in I care a lot for him, I am just making sure that it is actually love instead of just lust like it did in my previous relationship, that was a flame but burned out too quickly.
While that is one reason that I haven’t said it yet, other than the fact that he hasn’t said it. Also, that there is so much that he does that I bite my tongue about (which is another thing I don’t understand about myself, because normally I would have absolutely no problem saying something), such as: he has liked/likes a few other girls pictures on facebook from time to time, doesn’t communicate well, doesn’t feel like talking to his ex about anything other than about their son or the simple fact that he doesn’t tell me when they do speak, for that fact he never really tells me anything in general and when i ask him about something i feel like he feels like it isnt any of my business and that i have no right knowing something that he didnt volunteer information on, is always on his phone but it seems like it takes him forever to reply to me when we aren't together most of the time.
Also one of his ex-girlfriends still comments on some of his post on Facebook which is fine because one of my exs does that too but I don’t like the comment which is what he does, and not to mention that his family often comments/likes some of her post. I even told him once that i only feel as though he is with me only because he has nothing better to do.
Also, I understand that people show affection differently, and he does this a complete 180 than what I am used to. I spoke to his grandmother about this once and she said that he just had a guard up right now, because he has been hurt a lot, but for crying out loud my guard was a strong one but i feel like i no longer have one because i want him to understand my feelings and what bothers me, and I am the one with the trust issues but I try to open up to him and show him affection, but he acts like he doesn’t know what to do with that.
I honestly don’t know how he did it before he was hurt but I just wish that I had the opportunity to have that affectionate side of him that every one of his exs robbed me from. I don’t know how to help him understand how much that I do care for him. I have gone 1000x beyond what I have in any of my other relationships.
I feel like he should’ve realized by now that I care so deeply for him and that he can tell me things and open up to me, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to him. I am just worried that since we haven’t reached the point where I can be completely comfortable voicing my concerns in our relationship, that him being gone a lot that it will only make things worse.
I care so deeply for him and his family I literally feel like we have been together for years and that his family is my family.
I don’t really have a support system behind me so talking to anyone about any of these problems would just be wasting my breath, so if you could give me some advice that would help me tremendously.