Having trust issues

by Confused
(ohio)

Hi! My husband and I are soul mates and I never worried about him cheating on me, I always felt proud of how secure we felt with one another.

Unfortunately, I have been dealing with serious insecurity, I hate it, but feel I have good reason to feel this way. He used to be known as a "womanizer" but I always felt different due to our long history.

Last year, he was an OTR driver. Something told me (My intuition, no doubt) that something was up. I NEVER felt the need to spy on him, but I had this feeling that something was different between us.

Guess what I found on his phone when he came home from a run? A text and voicemail from another woman. She sent pics of herself to him and he erased them. (I did a little detective work on my end and discovered this through my cell provider). Along with many voicemails of her pleading for him to call her.

I sent her a text from my phone, pretending to be him. I asked for the pics again and she sent them. Nothing sexual but in my heart, I was just devastated that he even was doing this.

I had her call me, while she thought it was him. She insisted she didn't know he was married and said she would never talk to him again. I almost left him. I really let him have it and he insisted it was wrong but he never did anything.

He claims she was a waitress at a truck stop he went to. I raised so much hell, even called his boss and mom. I was so hurt. I chose to forgive him.

Fast forward to today...He is a local driver now. I have spied a time or two since then. Never found anything until recently. I found a few questionable texts from a female driver. Supposedly, she is "one of the guys". He claims he no longer texts her. He says he didn't tell me about her because he knew I would freak out.

I feel like a weirdo, having to do this "spying". I don't know if I should just give up on everything and split up, because I don't like who I have become. He has been good to me but I have too many questions about what happened when he was over the road. Maybe I am over reacting, but I was cheated on in a past relationship and just don't want to be stupid.

Any advice would be appreciated!