3 years two year old twin boys and still waiting...

by erica

I could really use some advise! My boyfriend David left AZ about two months ago to work for Stevens, he is still training, making 318 a week doing dumb and dumber.

Anyhow, I'm not working due to thyroid cancer/radiation etc... And we are struggling.

Even if i found a job i need it to be more than minimum wage so i have medical and enough to pay for daycare.

He says he took this job opportunity with Stevens to better our life and situation, but i feel he left bc he wanted that freedom again.

He rarely calls and when i call he says he is busy and when he does call its for two minutes and days he has to eat and sleep.

I am beginning to think this was his way of walking away. We fight all the time and even when im being supportive and give him elbow room he still isn't happy.

I asked if he lost love for me he says he is just busy but he says 10min a day to talk is enough and i should be thankful he called once.. But i cant help but feel he left me with all the responsibility.

I make sure our bills are payed with what little he makes and i sacrifice so much of my needs to make sure he has enough to get by on the road. I want him to come home. I feel its better he take a local job making 15 an hour and i can work opposite his shift. So we aren't struggling and we aren't living paycheck to paycheck.

Do you think im being selfish??? He says i should be patient that my time will come, but i have been for 3 years patient for him to fall in love with me-patient to get back to work, i have been out of work since i had my sons and i need to work not only to support my family but for my sanity.

I don't mind being alone, but if i wanted to act single i would be. I feel as though he abandoned us. I love him and im trying to make it work but he isn't putting in the effort.

Should i move to a shelter and go after him for child support or should i wait patiently?

What should i do

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Oct 21, 2015
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twin boys and still waiting... NEW
by: Anonymous

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Dec 10, 2012
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Im in Phoenix NEW
by: Anonymous

Erica, I am in Phoenix, and my husband is also a trucker and I have some similiar issues too. I would love to try and help you out some, even if it a shoulder to lean on! I don't know if we are close enough but if we are I can help out with a ride. I could use a freind too, as I really have no family here too.

Sep 28, 2012
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As I promised from re-think NEW
by: Anonymous

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http://nccphx.org/m/age-groups/women/

http://www.azfoodbanks.org/

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http://www.helppayingutilitybills.com/html/arizona_get_help_paying_electr.html

http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/states/arizona/renting/energyprgms

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http://www.housingaz.com/ShowPage.aspx?ID=170

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ONE FOOTNOTE TRY TO REMEMBER THAT NOTHING IS FOR FREE...IT TAKES A LOT OF WILL AND PATIENCE WHEN APPLYING OR UTILIZING ANY FREE PROGRAM AND THERE IS A PROCESS TO ALL PAPERWORK SOME TAKE LONGER THAN OTHERS...JUST DON'T THROW IN THE TOWEL!!

WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS :)

Sep 25, 2012
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reply to re-think NEW
by: Erica

Hi
I live in phoenix Arizona and i mainly ask a friend for a ride when available or take the bus. The nearest store is about 5 miles and the nearest church is about 2. Also, they are his biological twins. Again thanks to everyone who posted suggestions and for the help.

Sep 21, 2012
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Okay time to re-think NEW
by: Anonymous

You are welcome and I hope the suggestions helped out some. I understand that you are going through a lot of confusion right now, and it looks like you may need some help. Where do you live? State, county, and city? How far away are you from the closest city? Do you have a church close by? How far is the grocery store and what do you rely on to get there? The sons you are talking about are they his sons too? Just trying to be of service and i may have some resources for you. I'll be waiting...

Sep 21, 2012
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thank you for advise NEW
by: Erica

Thank You all for your comments and Ideas. I have tried the college route, unfortunately bc he isn't making enough money we lost our transportation and I have to take a bus everywhere.. I couldn't get to and from school, between my sons needs and doctors appointments i was dropped due to too many life struggles. I dont have many relatives that are close by to watch my sons and I dont own a computer. Online courses are out. Im actually writing this via internet on my phone.

Im literally stuck in my apartment all day, no car.. No computer and very little money with little to no help from others. DAVID is my family... And now he is trucking. I actually asked him last night if he wanted to throw in the towel. He said he likes things the way they are and I told him im not happy. He tells me its my choice to stay or leave. Its all my choice. I honestly love him and I stay bc i love him but i also stay bc my sons and I have a roof over our head. I just dislike everything else that comes along with him providing for us.. Like the i will call when i call, or the my breaks aren't your business type statements he makes. I explained to him bc he isn't physically here i need him to be emotionally. He says well im not emotional and he isn't going to deal with me and my emotions to get over it. Yet when i pull back and dont answer he freaks out and will blow up my phone until i answer. That's not how i should be getting his attention.

We will be coming up on our 4 years together and he has only been with Stevens for two months and he says truck driving isn't even like having a job its just sight seeing and fun. Yet when i call he is always busy ... Yet he is team driving. So he isn't always driving and he does get one day off a week.That's the last thing i really want to hear when im home my s selling our personal belongings to make sure our sons have our needs but that we also have money to pay our bills bc he spends too much on food while on the road.

Sep 21, 2012
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Sep 20, 2012
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You are important NEW
by: Anonymous

I have heard the statement you made about "arguing all the time now" from so many women and it seems to begin when the guy first starts out trucking. I experienced this myself. Wow it was crazy and I couldn't put my finger on it. It was not fair to myself or him to start thinking crazy thoughts just because we were arguing. Then I realized that is not what I wanted and I asked him if this is what he wanted. I said no and he said no and we moved on from there.

Taking little steps to repair or regain the relationship (if that is what you are after?) will help to sort out the problem. Have you taken a look at self? You stated that you think of this as his way out, and then you stated that you would go to a shelter, do you think maybe you are looking for a way out? Or is all of the thinking at this point just rash statements?

If you want out then do just that, if he wants out what is it gonna hurt if you just straight out ask that question? If you have your mind made up that you know this is what the problem is, then you will never really know and then you will leave clueless. I am not trying to say just leave or just stay, but finding out the causes for your dilemma before you walk away will help you to understand better.

Wishing you all the best :)

Sep 20, 2012
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AN IDEA NEW
by: Anonymous

Enroll in college. Apply for a grant and financial aid. You aren't married, and the monies you will get, will be enough to pay for your child care. Your sons are depending on you to make good choices for them and the quality of life they will have, depends on you. Stay where your at if possible, he's hardly ever there anyway, it would make life easier for you financially. This life you now live, isn't working for you, but you can move on to a better life, by preparing yourself for it. If I was in your shoes, that's what I'd do. You would also make new friends at college too. You would feel so much better about yourself, and your kids would look up to you and respect you for what your trying to do for them. That's so much better than a depressed mom with two kids at a shelter going no where :)

Sep 20, 2012
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Just an idea NEW
by: Anonymous

He's not only physically gone, he's emotionally gone. The relationship isn't working for you, and you can feel it. Go to a college near you, have someone there help you fill out financial aid papers, so you can go back to school and get an education that would make it possible for you to one day, support your sons on your own. Through financial aid and a grant, there would be money to pay for child care. You have two precious souls depending upon you to make good decisions. Doesn't this sound better than going to a shelter? He's gone more than he's there anyway, why move out? You need to have a plan, because it's not just about you anymore. You don't have to tell him why your going back to school, just that you can't sit home anymore day after day, without interacting with other people. Put the welfare of your kids first. This is what I'd do.

Sep 20, 2012
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so sorry NEW
by: Anonymous

It makes me so sad when I hear about situations like this. How long were you together before he started trucking?

I believe its an escape for these guys too. I have been treated similarly where the phone calls are more and more sporadic. Then, when you hear from them it seems to be when they need something done.... never just to say Hi and ask how you are doing. They can shut you out whenever they so choose and you are left to carry on by yourself.

Do you have any family close by? A shelter seems a little extreme. How do you think he would react if you had a heart to heart and asked him to come off the road? Will he try counselling? Those kids certainly deserve some effort on his part. Stay in touch, don't stop reaching out for help.

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