Why does he always want to be gone?


My husband and I have been married for ten years. The first 7 1/2 he worked in a factory. He got his CDL while there to help fill in part time at the warehouse to run shuttles every now and then.

One year worked slowed way down, between taxes, insurance, 401k and Child support coming out he would only bring home $80 a week.

We tried to ride it out as long as we could, but our bills fell further and further behind. One week after all deductions his pay stub actually read $0.

I should add here he is the sole provider financially for us due to me being disabled and unable to work. No, I do not receive any monthly benefits either since my work credits expired before they declared me disabled.

We already had one 401k loan out and was unable to borrow against it again until the other amount was paid off. The only choice he had was to leave his job of 11 years (which was really hard for him to do) to draw out his 401k so we were able to keep from loosing our home!

He fell back on his CDL and started driving truck. I've tried to be supportive but it's really hard for me that he's gone so much! He's done OTR and local. He's had problems with his pay getting screwed up all the time so they just recently switched him to 100% hourly and being able to stay local so he's home nearly every night.

He's missed so much the last 2 1/2 years he's been driving, birthdays, our anniversaries, kids's events, important doctor appointments and tests, etc. This has all been really tough on me.

We do communicate a lot (several times a day) on the phone, but it is never the same as having the physical presence. Unfortunately due to a lot of issues none of our children are in the living in our home 100% of the time, just mostly weekends and school breaks. So the majority of my time I am home alone.

I have no family nor friends near me. So all of this complete solitude is really wearing on me and probably does make me more prone to feeling like I need him around more often.

The thing that bothers me most tho is at least 1-2x a week when he finishes his day and is at the yard dropping his trailer to bobtail home he'll stand around and talk to other people there (even after he tells me he's getting ready to head home & will be home in 10-15 minutes) but stands and talks 1, 2, 3 hours and not bother to text or call and let me know he's going to be later getting home.

If I start to worry and try to call him he always leaves his phone in the truck so he never hears the phone ring or receive my text asking if everything is ok.

Like I had stated earlier he recently got switched to 100% hourly. Up until this last week they've been having him run really short stuff, nearly everything has been under 100 mile radius. Then today he tells me they asked him if he would want to run out to Maryland (we live in Indiana.

Now that he doesn't need the miles and is going to be getting paid the same if he's 10 miles from home or 600 miles from home he tells them he'll run it! Again he's missing another child's music program for school, and a couple other personal issues.

I really need his support to get through that he won't be here for! He says he loves his job and yes I am happy he is happy, but him being gone all the time I can't handle. And I have expressed my concern about it, but he has said he doesn't care he's happy doing his job so I just need to deal with it.

He's not happy about always being gone either, but doesn't want to go back to having a job with someone standing over his shoulder or cooped up in a building all day. No disrespect to any truck driver, but if he had been doing this as his job when we met it wouldn't have gone any further.

I'm just not cut out for this. I'm not going to leave because I'm unhappy because it is till death do we part. But I'm just at a loss. Maybe I'm reading into things wrong, but between him not being curtious enough to at least let me know he's going to be longer getting home because he's talking with guys at work, and always leaving his phone in the truck, and now this with voluntarily going so far away and being gone all week really makes me feel he doesn't want to be around me!

As far as phone conversations go it's about 50/50 me calling him or him calling me. So it's not an issue of me smothering him. And no I don't believe he's having an affair with anyone.

I'm just really at a loss and don't know what to do or how much more of this I can even handle! Just the whole issue of him volunteering to be gone the entire week when he makes the same as staying local and being home every night is what's getting me. I can't wrap my brain around as to why?

I even asked him why, his response was because his dispatcher had asked him. Why does he bend over backwards to please them and do everything they ask (even voluntary do things that he'll never get paid for) but I ask anything small and simple I get nothing?

He'll move mountains for them, but nothing for me. Why value a job (that has repeatedly screwed him over) but ignore his wife? I'm so sorry this is long.

I'm just really looking for answers or some sense to all this madness and I really have absolutely no one else to talk to about everything.

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Feb 28, 2015
What's the deal? NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband became a truck driver @ three years ago. He gets home @ 36 hours on the weekend. This has been very hard on our marriage. He was offered a very good local job with great benefits, but turned it down. Then started talking all day to his buddies, hardly no calling me, then became very secretive about his phone. Seems that is a common theme with truck drivers. If they have nothing to hide, why are they guarding their phones? Sadly, I'm getting use to him being gone. I think I can safely say I'm not cut out to be a truckers wife. I don't feel close to him anymore, and I never thought I would ever feel that way. I adored him.

Feb 28, 2015
same situation NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm feeling the same way as you only I feel like my husband is cheating because he's done it before. He loves to be gone and he's always coming home and when he's here he rarely have time for our children and me. If I could turn back the hands of time, I'd be gone a long time ago. I'm tired of being the driver, both parents, going to everything and he misses everything and acts as though it doesn't even bother him.

Nov 09, 2014
by: Anonymous

I feel the same way.

Oct 28, 2014
by: Anonymous

i hear a lot of complaining in your post. maybe you should re-think your situation and get out of the relationship?

You are only hurting yourself and others. js.

reading between the lines....

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