Should I be jealous of my trucker Boyfriend of 7mths talking for hours w/his "old lady" friend?

by AmandaT
(Columbus, Ohio )

I've been dating my trucker boyfriend for about 7 months now. I have a class A CDL as well I just don't use it. He has had a friend, an older lady, he has been friends with for years. They worked together about 15 years ago, then he went to another job and she and another friend of his followed.

The 3 of them ran together for several more years. He went to another different company and they both followed again. She is quite a bit older than him and seriously unattractive. He let me know about this friendship early on in our relationship. He considers her one of the guys. He talks to her on the nights when he is super sleepy and I'm in bed for work the next day.

He doesn't hide the fact that he talks to her as, his phone is on my plan. I see texts being exchanged and a lot of phone calls, up to 4 hours one day. He never hid this from me.

He doesn't speak to her when his truck stops or when he is home, only when he is driving. However, he will delete their texts from his phone & I haven't been able to see them. He knows that I know they text and talk but I'm a little leery of him deleting his texts.

His ex was very jealous and controlling and didn't allow him to talk to his friends. I think this is carrying over into our relationship. He tells me about her and some of the stuff they talk about. I figure if something was going on he would hide it completely. How do I deal with this? I have a little bit of jealousy over this. 'My BFF who is also a trucker wife says let it go, for now.

I'm really trying but I wonder what he could talk about with her for that long and why he deletes texts- even tho he is aware that I know. Habit perhaps, from his previous relationship? I'm not sure but how do I deal with this and let this jealousy go.

They both work for different companies now and I know his location at all times along with his load info (we work for the same company) and I know he doesn't see her either. Should I be concerned or is this something normal? Should I let it go?

Like I said he only talks to her when he is tired or his truck is moving. I'm new to this life and need some guidance. Thank you!

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Oct 22, 2016
Thank you for your insight and feedback
by: AmandaT

Thank you for your insight and advice. Yes I know it's wrong but I got hold of his phone today and looked at their texts. You were right, they were completely platonic and non-sexual in nature.

Now the other issues I'm having that I'm having a hard time dealing with...his kids. I myself have none yet but we have talked about it. He has 2 biological children whom (18 boy & 23 girl) I have met them and his daughter and I got along quite well.

His son and I have met once but it was nice- its the 7 year old that I haven't yet met and she is pretty much adopted by him. She is bi-racial and him and his ex are both white. She had an affair on him and got pregnant with this child.

He is a good dad and treats her no differently than his biological children. Here's my issue, when he goes to visit her, he is going to his old house and staying there all day. He comes home to me but like today- he has been there since about 1030am until now (741pm).

I don't want him to think that I'm trying to make him choose between me and his kid at all but I rarely get to see him as well- how do I deal with sharing the little bit of time I get?

I have made the suggestion that he can bring her here, I've made this place a home for him as much as he has let me- but this has nothing to do with his kids, I just don't like him being around his ex ALL day. They had a very tulmutuous relationship, just bad all around.

I don't understand why he can't take her somewhere or bring her here and this is my next issue. I don't say much because I don't want him to think I'm making him choose- but damn, this is getting old because I only feel like I get him in the evenings during the weekend-like daytime is off limits.

The one weekend the little one and her mom was gone all weekend and he couldn't see her he spent the whole weekend with me and we had so much fun, I want that back- I'm so lonely.

My ex husband wasn't a bad man, we just had a lot of differences. And to be honest sometimes I think, why did I divorce him, only to be alone? I know that's wrong but at least with him I wasn't...this is hard.

Oct 20, 2016
Just my opinion
by: Hervy

I say it's nothing to worry about. I wouldn't get caught up in trying to label it normal though, lol. Most people would say it isn't I think.

But being someone who had a female friend something like that but younger not older and I can't talk to anyone for 4 hours in a day. But we did talk a lot and it wasn't nothing sexual. She was just cool and I was cool and we both thought differently than most people. She was like a sister I never had.

That said, I talked to a chick at one point during this relationships and she was jealous as well. And of course accused me of messing with her because to most people a man and a woman don't get along like that if they not in an intimate relationship. Its ridiculous.

Having said that, I did cut back on my interactions with the female friend of mind just because I wanted to be sensitive to my girl history with dudes that made her have a reason to be lacking in trust.

My thoughts are if he is open to you about it and you have all that verification and access that you mentioned then you can get a good picture of what is happening. (Doesn't talk when not moving, etc)

Seems like they are just buddies that pass time easily when rolling. I have talked to a few guys who talk that long on the phone. As a matter of fact what am I talking about, I did that too about 10 years ago. Maybe that's why I don't answer the phone now, lol.

But anyway, if there is nothing wrong with your relationships other than that. YOu get along fine and talk and he comes home etc. Then you might relax more.

It's good you are evaluating things but if he let you know about that prior to and it's nothing wrong with your relationship then I think you might work on not being jealous about it. It's not the most common thing that you see but men and women can have a regular friendship or strong bond due to similar interest without it being sexual.

But only you know all of the details. As far as him erasing texts, if he knows you are jealous he probably just don't want to deal with the potential drama.

I had nothing to hid from my girl but I just stopped even mentioning my home girls name because I noticed that it bothered her. Then of course she started asking what happened to her and why I never mentioned her name.

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