One foot in, One foot out...............


I am just looking for some simple advise on what to expect. (This is a lengthy post to give you history)

I have been with my truck driving boyfriend for about 4 months now. This type of relationship is very new to me. I have never dated a man who is gone several weeks at a time.

Before he came into my life I was content (or so I thought I was). I had ended a 7 year relationship and moved out on my own with my daughter a year prior.

Life was quaint and I was in control. One day out of the blue he came into my life. I spent the first week keeping him at arms length because I really wasn't interested in having a boyfriend and didn't want to go thru the ups and downs of a relationship that would or would not work.

I had been hurt before (divorce and the most recent ending of my 7 yr relationship.

At the end of that week I realized that I really started to have feelings for him and put my guard down. We were having a great time, laughing, getting to know each other. He made me smile and I was experiencing feelings that I had shut down years before. He was bringing me out of my shell.

We spent 3 weeks together and we were inseparable (his truck was in the shop.) After the 3 weeks he was out of the country for a month. During that time we text, skyped - voice and video all of the time. We counted down the days til he returned.

Once he was back home he was here for 1 week then it was time to hit the road. That week was incredible!

We still continue to talk on the phone several times a day. On "normal" days we are making sure we have morning coffee together and continue to talk during my drive to work. We will also communicate a time or two during the day as well as my drive home and also at night after my daughter has gone to bed.

Keep in mind, this is occurring while juggling 2 totally different schedules (I'm in oil & gas).

Since the beginning of our time together I have played the counting game............ meaning, counting down from his return from out of the country, now counting down until his return from being on the road. (With his schedule his sleeping is not our normal 10pm - 6 am, rather, its when time allows and he can or is forced to stop and sleep).

So then I find myself waiting to hear from him. We have passed the mark of days spent together vs. days apart............. the days apart are greater!

The holidays are approaching. There is a huge possibility that he wont be home on Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years............. he was asked by his agent if he would like to work, in which he agreed to do so. He has assured me that I would see him, but that we will also talk more about it when he is home this weekend.

I have told him that I know this is his life and this is his schedule. I know it takes a strong woman to be in a relationship with a Trucker. I think I am strong, but my heart is trying to convince me otherwise.

The free time I have between work and home life is spent with my daughter, at the gym, with friends etc. I have also decided to go back to school in January to further my career.

I miss him so very much and am constantly second guessing if this relationship is going to work or if I should end it now before I get to involved.

I have given myself 6 months before I make a decision. I want to grow stronger and get thru these feelings and constant questioning.

I am open to any advise. Thank you!

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Nov 09, 2013
Sound Advice NEW
by: Hervy

Sounds like you already have a good view of what you should do and just needed confirmation. You did get good advice from someone (I appreciate that by the way anonymous, :-).

Here are some more pages that you might want to read to help you get an understanding about trucking lifestyle and what he will be dealing with and you can expect should you go forward.

Disadvantages of Becoming a Trucker

Also on this page there is advice with regards to Dating and Relationships With a Trucker

Nov 06, 2013
Thank you for your response.............. NEW
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your response. You words are encouraging..............

He is an O/O and drives coast to coast as well, he delivers mainly to terminals which are open 24/7 and is able to make his own schedule. (I love that he is very diciplined in his job. He makes sure he drives over 11,000 miles a month so that he can make his bonus...... Thats another thing I have to compete with! LOL)

This is what was explained to me yesterday........ "The winter months are the slowest. A lot of times, drivers take off during the holidays, when they return they are not guaranteed steady work. Those who continue to drive during the holidays have more of a guarantee of work".

I can't argue with that since I really dont know the business. I can only support the decision for him to continue all while my heart aches.

In my mind, I figured that since he is an O/O he would be home during the holidays (or home more, period).

I agree with what you have said. He is scheduled to be home tomorrow for 4 days. Im hoping that we can further the talk and come to an agreement that works well for both of our schedules and expectations. If not, then I think it may be time to put the brakes on this relationship and see what happens. (My girlfriends tell me to quit over thinking and enjoy what we have going on - easier said than done when the heart is envolved!)

Thank you again for your post, you have reassured what I was already thinking.

Nov 06, 2013
..... NEW
by: Anonymous

just my thoughts...if you are not ready, take your time with this relationship. If you are unsure how it will work out with a long distance relationship, just hold off for awhile. If his schedule does not yet permit him to be home for family events, wait to be serious with the relationship until his trucking job schedule allows him to be around for these events such as holidays. Who wants to be alone or without their partner on Thanksgiving or Christmas, serious illness, etc....always, always, consider You in the equation and not just the partner, because you are important.

I guess my trucker of 25 years learned how to manage his schedule to be home for important dates and holidays, my part was to remind him ahead of time so that he could be here. Heck he got so good at it he is here for Sunday and Monday football during the football season! Good thing I love Football too. :) His loads are mostly warehouse from coast to coast and on holidays stores are closed so are the warehouses. Oh, also he is independent so he can take off for sick hospital etc....we waited 5 years to take our relationship to the next level. That's not a long time but it was worth it to wait and find out if I could put up with it.

I know that not all truckers are this fortunate, but I do know a lot of them who are. Hope you find what you are looking for and wishing you the best...

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