Controlling Behavior

You may have controlling behavior and not realize it. This behavior can cause grief for both people and disintegrate a relationship.

I see what appears to be a lot of controlling behavior patterns in some truckers based on what is expressed by trucker wives although they never call the behavior by that name.

Some Controlling Behavior in Truckers

Some of the things that makes me concern for your relationships are when the wife says the husband moved her out to the middle of nowhere to a place where she and sometimes he doesn't know anyone.

Why would this be the case. Ask yourself is it to control her environment.

Another issue that seems to occur often is not wanting the wife to work or go to school. This of course is the case when the couple has not relocated to the woods. Ask yourself, why do you feel this way? Is it the excuse that you provided or is it your controlling behavior? The education would be a positive way to spend time and could help with the family getting financially stable at an earlier stage in the relationship and not be dependent solely on your trucking job.

Maybe that is another part of the issue. Some guys don't want the woman to be independent or self sufficient. If you are successful and manipulating a person to be totally dependent upon you in order to have more control you get far more than you bargain for. Imagine the types of distressful thoughts that will begin to run in her head.

Other Indications of a Control Issue

There are many signs that a person has control issues. Here a just a few. Any one of these alone doesn't prove having control issues. Finding several of familiar in your own personality might be cause for alarm.

Infatuation early on then what seems as a loss of interest. (lots of calls, texts, email which stops)

Has manipulative behavior (may dish our threats....I will leave if, I will not pay if, you will never if...)

  • Attempts to isolate a loved one from others
  • Trying to make loved one feel worthless or not capable
  • Put down the friends of your loved one ( part of the isolation process)
  • Being arrogant and/or disrespectful toward loved one
  • Gets upset (or pretends to be upset) when certain issues come up or in order to be manipulative
  • Wanting a woman to have n goal, dreams, friends, activities outside of the relationship
  • Implements a double standard in the relationship (he can do whatever, she can do nothing )
  • Controls the flow of money and/or finances (even if he is lousy with the money)

What Happens as a Result of The Controlling Behavior?

Hopeless, helpless, useless, depressed and worthless, she begans to reach out to you more and more. But if indeed your controlling behavior is indication of a problem, you will respond to her cry out by pulling away. In the back of your mind you have accomplish her dependence upon you, (what I mean is you may or may not intentionally cause this situation for that reason mindfully) as a result at the conscious level, you internalize her crying out as badgering, nagging, complaining, over reacting, etc. So you pull away or just express to her that you are irritated with her behavior.

Really she is crying out for attention and validation that she is important, special and that you still care. Because inside, there is a void and where there is not void there is only questions and love.

Imagine, a woman that loves you so much she has followed you to the end of the world (allowed herself to be taken to no man's land or agreed not to go to school or work.....yeah same thing) to show her loyalty, commitment and love to you.

Of course now she is really frustrated because she has sacrificed her old life for the crap (the thoughts in her mind and often expressed) that she is now going through for someone who seems not to care about her. Now both of you think the other one has a problem because of the strain on the relationship.

She is afraid to communicate because it might piss you off or make you act out, threaten or even abuse her. And although we like to look at a controller as evil, the reality is that you might have control issues and are just not aware of it. If this is you. You must address it because not only are you extinguishing the life of someone you love, you are also living with stress and possibly unhappiness.

How to Address Controlling Behavior

Well if you will be truthful with yourself about why you exhibit any of these habits or others (admit to having control issues) that are a result of you wanting to control your spouse you have achieved half of the battle. The next question is why do you feel this way. Often people with controlling behavior have underlying issues such a low self esteem and/or past trauma, neglect or basically poor modeling of how to treat a partner in a relationship. (And of course many other reasons, just saying)

So to get at the root of what may be bothering you, consider talking to a relationship coach/counselor/life coach etc.


Ask yourself what is it that you fear? Being alone? Being broke? Being cheated on? Being used?

Then ask yourself why is that? It's likely due to past experience that you want not to experience again or possible your childhood. Realize that the controlling behavior is a coping mechanism or a learn behavior that can be changed.

However, if how you do relationships is all that you know, then it's all that you know. Some people can figure out how to do better and even get advice from a trusted friend who has a happy relationship and ask him what is his secret. As you might imagine this could be hit or miss and most men don't want to talk about such things.

So the best thing is to get some counseling by professionals. Tell them what you have discovered about yourself and go from there.

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Some of my research  for the article included information from:

Controlling Behavior

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