Very lonely and empty in need of advise. He said trucking over our marriage, what should I do?

by Laurie H.
(Warren, Pa United States)

I have been with my husband for 11 years we have been married for almost 8 years. When I first met him he was/is an over the road truck driver.

At first it was okay he promised me he would come off the road in ten years he broke that promise.

Then he said he would do city work for a while so we could be together (to give me what I needed) then said no he was not going to do that. I pay for everything and do not get hardly a cent from him for the bills. I paid for our house on my own. I may see him for 12 hours in a one month period and he seems to think that that is okay.

He also thinks its okay that he does not have to help support me or our house (as in the bills or house repairs). He says its a lifestyle and that he would chose his job over our marriage. I just do not know what to do I am at the point of just turning the other way and not looking back.

I used to love him but now I don't know how I feel. I guess I just need someone to talk to to answer questions I have. Oh I forgot to say that he is also a Canadian Citizen and i'm an American which makes this life all the harder.

So please if someone can help me get through this I would greatly appreciate it.

Comments for Very lonely and empty in need of advise. He said trucking over our marriage, what should I do?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 07, 2011
Trucker's girlfriend
by: Kaitlyn

I don't have a lot of experience in the world of trucking, or in the world of men. I've been with my boyfriend for just short of 3 years, and he's been trucking for 3 months now.

But I totally get that the adjustment is really hard, and sometimes it's just the wrong situation to be in.
Out of everything you've said, it sounds like he's ready to call the marriage quits, he just doesn't have the balls to do it himself.

When a man chooses to be away from home, but understands that his woman needs love, attention, affection, and compassion then the lifestyle will be more advantageous for both of you and its easier for you to make him happy, and him to make you happy in return.

When he chooses to leave you at home alone and finds it an 'inconvenience' to treat you like his wife, refuses to support you (even though he made a commitment to you through marriage, and you're the one who gives him a bed to lie on when he gets home), and doesn't see how horribly WRONG that is, then you need to take a serious step back and evaluate the relationship.

My boyfriend's father was that way when he was on the road. His wife stayed with him through the birth of 5 boys. While she was at home busting her rear to pay the bills, he was on the road 'pillow-talking' on the phone with his ex-wife and blowing his money on useless, selfish things.
He didn't see anything wrong with it because he has a childish sense of entitlement- the world owes him everything and he shouldn't have to answer for what he's done wrong. It's never his fault- its everyone else's.

She's stayed with him through more than 22 years of marriage now, and he still does the same thing. She works a full time job, and is looking at another because she's falling behind on payments for the electricity, the mortgage, her van, his truck, his tractor, and everything else at the house.
He sits at home and smokes his cigarettes, complains about how filthy his house is, complains about how his sons and wife don't "appreciate" what he does for them (which is nothing, because mom does it ALL), and blames her for not making enough money to pay the bills..........

Sit down and have a serious talk with your man. Don't be aggressive, but approach it in a neutral manner if you can.
If he resists the sit down with a lame excuse, or if he becomes defensive about suggestions that you two need to work it out or that you need his support in return for yours...
And if he stonewalls your efforts to save the integrity of the relationship then that is serious spousal neglect, and it's just as bad as spousal abuse.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Truckers Wives Forums.