Unreliable & undependable

I had a situation come my way & I need some advice from a trucker's wife or wives or girlfriends.

I needed a procedure at a hospital which required anesthesia. My husband was well aware of it & told his fleet manager that he needed to be home to take me there since I couldn't drive home when the procedure was done.

Now I got a phone call from my husband telling me that a customer had cancelled a load at the last minute & him & his team driver were stuck & wouldn't get another load out of there till 2 days later & he would be home supposedly the afternoon of my procedure which left me to have the hospital driver pick me up & bring me home.

Well I have had several people tell me to leave his a** & 1 was my own Mother. My Mother watches my 2 children which are ages 3 & 5 & my Mom does not drive & when she found out I had to have a stranger drive me, she was livid..

Now my husband has had 2 procedures & I have taken off from work to bring him there & bring him home. My boss was also livid about it who happens to be divorced & due to a ugly divorce hates men with a passion & she has told me he does not love me & my best friend has also said the same thing.

Now all these people are not truck drivers or related to them so they have no idea of how it works out there on the road. Even at the hospital when I said I was here alone & no one would be at my bedside when I woke up & I explained the reason, well the receptionist said to me oh girl I would dump him big time.

Everyone has said to me that it is funny that when my husband was due his procedures, no customer or customers have cancelled their loads, we think he just didn't want to sit in the waiting area for me to get done.

So in the meantime I have told my husband that now I hope you are aware that the next time you need assistance for your procedures, you better call for transportation or a cab & he acted like a whiny crybaby & said oh screw it I will die before I have someone else take me & I said whatever floats your boat.

Now this incident was not the main reason for my Mother telling me to leave him, it was just the straw that broke the camel's back but my Mother reminds me that my Father before he passed away & he found out that my husband was thinking of becoming a truck driver, my Father said for me to leave him because I would be dealing with a train wreck & I told my Father no.

Well since my husband has been one now for a year & he became one only after he got fired from his previous job for telling his boss where to go & he had a friend tell him become a trucker & they make a boatload of money.

Well now when there is 2 paychecks coming in, the finances should be 50/50, well 4 times in a year I alone had to shell out for the bills due to his "peanuts" paycheck as my Mother puts it.

He has been broken down & lying idle for 10 days at a time, 34 hour resets, etc.& being an employee gets paid pennies for these loads.

Also he is picking up truckers language by dropping the F bomb a lot especially in front of the kids. He would say oh what the F**K & my Mother heard him & yelled at him & he has said oh you guys have to realize that this is the way us truckers talk & my Mother has reminded him you are home around your family & not on the truck.

Also I have been told by everyone that since my husband can't meet my needs & wants as in happy wife equals happy life, for me not to make his life happy since he is making me unhappy which includes him getting nothing while at home & also with the "peanuts" paycheck that I have to contribute 100% of the time to pay the bills, can't forget the boatload of money these guys need on the road & I have noticed that since I have told him I can't take off work & be there for him when he needs me to accommodate him because I can't afford to miss work, his phone calls have become less & less.

This is where I have been told there is no way he can love me or his family. We are not talking about him missing a birthday or an anniversary but me needing a medical procedure. Have there been women out there that has run into the same situation where your spouse or boyfriend has said they would be home & you women had to resort for a stranger from the hospital to pick you up & drop you off.

Right now I am confused as to what to do meaning was it a situation beyond my husband's control or is it something that he could have controlled. As I said previously when he had procedures he never had the customer cancel but when my procedure had to be done, supposedly a customer cancelled the load.

I have told my best friend & boss about this site & they have read several stories & they both said to me is this site for real & are these people for real & I said yep, it's all real.

Well since my boss is a man hater, she has said oh this is horsecrap for you girls to doll all up for when they come home by putting on makeup & sexy outfits.

My boss's brother is a U.S. Marine that has just came back from Iraq & she said her sister-in-law upon meeting her brother home from Iraq, didn't have makeup on & a sexy outfit. She had on blue jeans, sneakers & a hoodie & her hair pulled back in a pony tail.

So am I foolish for loving my husband or take my Mother's & others advice to leave him because they are not experienced in the truck driving business. Any advice would be helpful.

Oh by the way my kids do not miss their Father while he is away & when he is home they are not all over him, maybe because he does not pay attention to them but while he is home, all he wants to do is keep me up all night & not getting no sleep so he can get laid!

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Jan 28, 2014
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To Ms. Cancer Lady NEW
by: M Watson

Thank you for your kindness but my hat is off to you my friend! Not everyone could be going thru what you are with a positive attitude! All the while keeping the home front together while hubby is on the road.. that is one tough lady right there! People like you are the ones that make life better for those of us around you. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Stay strong and never give up until your ready!


Jan 27, 2014
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I love your post M. Watson! :) NEW
by: Anonymous

M. Watson such a nice post you have....I appreciate the fact that you mentioned cancer patents are not always angry...myself I feel very happy because I have lived a wholesome lifestyle and proud to have lived a long happy life and if God is ready for me I will be going with open arms it sure puts my mind at ease for sure....

Cancer Lady....:)

Jan 27, 2014
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Part 2 NEW
by: M Watson

I find it very sad to know he has made truck drivers out to be very bad people that go around cursing out store clerks, and ones that never call home or care about their families. Because, that is not the case with most of us truckers. We love our families and that's why we do the job we do to make a better life for those around us. I was fully retired at the age of 43 from working my buns off most of my kids childhood. We owned several trucks and I worked along side my husband for years, and we didn't always wake up in the same zip code, but the time we did spend together we cherished and enjoyed our children and each other. Its a shame you two could not find the same tranquility as we have. Not all drivers are bad, some are loyal and faithful to their families and we park our trucks and go to church on Sundays in what ever city we maybe in. We raise our kids with good wholesome family values, trust and loyalty. There are still good people in this world and most of them I know to be truckers. He has a very bad misconception of the "American Trucker"

With that said, I do hope you take this comment as one who is only trying to help, not one to lash out at in anger. I'm not an angry person at all. I enjoy my life and my family. I just lost my mother to cancer, she was the happiest person I ever knew, even until the end she had a smile on her face. God was good to me to let me have those last few days with her. My mom wasn't angry either, did I mention my Father and Mother both were truck drivers who raised 5 kids and had 10 grandchildren? Amazing people! Life on the road does work, if your willing to work at it!

Good Luck to you! And do keep us posted!

Jan 27, 2014
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Part 1 NEW
by: M Watson

A lot of animosity going on in these posts here!

First of all let me apologize. I didn't mean anything by my statement, "It sounds like your already gone from your marriage" Let me explain, The negative comments from others, and your negative attitude already toward your husband (because, of his actions) It sounds like you have already made up your mind to end your marriage. I would hope for the sake of the children involved you would seek other advice from a professional instead of a "trucker site" before you make this choice. You are very correct in your statement, "Everyone has a breaking point & you can only put up with so much". Perhaps you're already past your breaking point and you already knew that, so why come on here to ask any further advice?

If he is not willing to listen to you, or seek other help to help fix this, then perhaps you are better off leaving him on the road. I just know what worked for me, my husband and family and what has worked for others out there on the road. It very well takes a special kind of person with much caring, compassion, understanding and trust to be in an OTR driver/wife/family relationship.

If I may add a little bit more of my experience here, I wouldn't pay to much faith into the "good friend attorney". Attorneys will tell you anything you want to hear, because they want your business. No court in America is going to take custody from a father who is doing none other then his job, even ones that curse all the time. Seriously, he will get some type of custody where as that be joint or visitation rights. That is entirely up to the judge and not an attorney to decide. He will get visitations, away alone from you with his kids! That's just facts! Can you handle that? Trust me when I say this, every judge in this entire country knows the "bitter wife syndrome". They wont play into your hype to make him out to be a bad father just because your upset with his actions. The judge will do what is best for the children and most of them believe in a relationship with the father.

(continued)

Jan 27, 2014
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..... NEW
by: Anonymous

PATHETIC>>>>look it up...

Jan 26, 2014
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Last reply from you NEW
by: Anonymous

I have a message from my mother to you & I agree with my mother wholeheartedly - u must know about wallowing in your own feces since you must feel like crap yourself - well my mom said for you to take a long walk on a short pier & for you to wallow in your own feces. You are a very sensitive touchy person & I was not saying all cancer patients are angry, so read properly but I do have friends that have survived cancer & are very angry!

Jan 20, 2014
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No the last reply was from me NEW
by: Anonymous

No the reply is from me not the cancer lady, and I have to agree with her. I did have cancer once upon a time and I was never angry that is how I survived the cancer with a positive attitude, and you have no right talking about the cancer population as a whole by announcing they are all angry. However, my ending comment to you is that you are a pathetic human being!! You may now wallow in your own feces like you deserve to.

Jan 20, 2014
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Replies NEW
by: Anonymous

If this reply came from the wife that has cancer, if anyone has anger issues, it is you! I have friends that have cancer & they are very very angry! No way am I angry & the people I am around are very positive people! So I can understand your anger & why you are angry!!!!

Jan 20, 2014
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Whatever! NEW
by: Anonymous

U should practice what u preach!!!!

Jan 19, 2014
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reply to 'My replies" NEW
by: Anonymous

You are not a very compassionate person yourself, I can tell by your uncaring words...you are a very angry person as well...to bad for you because, you deserve all the negative things that are thrown in your path, and you have learned to deal with them quite well with anger... so keep living your life the way you have, and try not to bother asking for advice from kind people because you do not know how to handle kindness....bitterness is not a quality it is a character defect...work on it...

Jan 19, 2014
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My replies NEW
by: Anonymous

This reply is to the 2 women that sent their opinions -

FROM SEEMS TO ME -

1 -Nurses love to give compassionate advice & she wanted to
know why my husband was not there
2 - Mother not driving - Because my Mother does not drive,
that makes her not having common sense! If anyone does
not have any common sense, it sounds like you! I have a
male co-worker in my office who does not drive because he
was raised by a single Mother who could not afford to send
him to driving school & when he got out on his own, felt it
was not necessary & he has a college degree, but accord-
ing to you & your kind, I guess he has no common sense!
3 - I AM NOT SICK WITH CANCER - I had a procedure that
required anesthesia!
4 - Negative people - the only negative people in my life right
now is my OTR truck driver husband
5 - And of course your husband cannot be there with you the
whole time for your medical because cancer does require
more appointments which your husband cannot attend!

FROM GIVE HUBBY A BREAK FROM M. WATSON -

First of all congratulations on your upcoming arrival of your third grandson!
You said it sounds to you that I am already gone from my marriage. It started to go when he became an OTR trucker!
Everything was fine till he became one & I did not do anything wrong because while he was home I had my Mother watch the kids & I spent my time giving him all the attention he wanted & I wore nice sexy attire, etc. & gradually he has become someone I don't want to be around & even the kids don't want to be around him.
Work it out - it is one sided - it is either his way or the highway! I have told him we need to talk & he said if everyone did what he wanted & put up with his mouth everything would be fine, he even cussed out a cashier in the supermarket all because the cashier didn't put in an item in the bag, unbelievable!
And maybe other people are there to talk over my feelings with me whereas my husband is being ridiculous & unbearable. Well my Mother has a good friend who has a son that is an attorney!!

Now if you all still feel give husband a break, then I am proud to say that with my husband's attitude, I am proud to say that this attorney has said he can give me a divorce & also I will have full custody of the kids!
Everyone has a breaking point & you can only put up with so much. I have tried numerous times to have a talk with him & I get the same crap that everyone has to go along with him & put up with him! Who died & made him the king of the highway!!!

Jan 11, 2014
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Give hubby a break NEW
by: M Watson

LOADS get delayed all the time and there is nothing a driver or the company can do about it. It happens all the time. When your out there on the road you have so many responsibilities sometimes all you want to do at the end of the day is get some much needed sleep. I can't say I called home everytime when I should have for that very reason.

It sounds to me like your already gone from your marriage. Other people should never have any say about your relationship, thus including dear old Mom!! You two alone made the commitment of a life and family together and you two alone should decide to end it or work it out.

Some people are just not cut out or tough enough to be a "trucker wife" it takes a load of trust and understanding!! Good Luck and start talking to your husband about your feelings not everyone else you come across!!

I'm proud to say I am a truck driver for 20+ years and drivers wife, mom of four and grandma to two lovely boys with my third grandson on his way!

Jan 08, 2014
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seems to me NEW
by: Anonymous

you are involving yourself with a lot of negative people....

1. quit telling other people about your home life and especially strangers!! (the nurse)

2. any way who's mother in this day and age doesn't drive? this leads me to believe she has no common sense. anything she has to say or input should be totally disregarded.

3. it is even better that you were able to have a hospital driver take you there than a frantic husband (or relative) consider yourself lucky.. most people without family or friends ride the bus to their appts.

4. be more God like and count your blessings that you are in fact here to see your family grow vs complaining about minor things.

5. millions of people get themselves to the hospital on their own, by themselves with no one to help them at all...think of them the next time you have to take yourself to the hospital.

6. be humble. you are not bed ridden or in a wheelchair and you are functionally able to get yourself to the hospital.

7. be unselfish. a lot of people do not want their loved ones to know they are even sick with cancer and spare them any grief by not divulging the details.

8. Put on your grown up girl panties and live your life with "your" family and try not to allow others family members to speak with fork tongue!

MOST of all stay away from negative people if they dont have a kind word to say distance yourself from that conversation!!

From Me; Trucker wife who has cancer and doesn't involve every single person with my medical issues this is private to me. I cant expect my trucker husband to be here every single dr. appt. because they call be without notice sometimes with good news and bad news. It's a humbling experience.

Give your husband a break....

Jan 08, 2014
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You Should Know Better Than Anyone NEW
by: Hervy

What he said happened could very well be what happened. It happens all of the time.

Also, it could be that he didn't want to be there. That's happened to with less that mature, concerned and/or considerate people.

You should know what type of person he is though. Other people don't. Which is more inline with his personality and character?

This is also something to consider....

You have to be careful about how much weight you gives someone input about a situation that they only have limited understanding of. You also must be careful that your words are not influencing other peoples thoughts about the situation. You also must be careful not to make a firm belief of something that you don't know to be true when it comes to your spouse otherwise it will affect how you view all things that occur.

If you say to yourself over and over, "he's cheating, he's cheating, he's cheating" Everything that happens will seem to justify that thought pattern. That's your subconscious helping you be congruent and without internal conflict about what is true and what is not.

So if you allow your thoughts to be focused on him/her cheating it will in turn affect how you treat that person which could then easily bring about the behavior which you have been dreading as distance pushes you further away from each other........

Then you say, " I KNEW he was cheating!"

So, I think you should have a serious talk with him serious talk with him in front of a counselor or relationship coach because it seems that the relationship could benefit from it greatly.

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