Truckers wife of 3 years - Don't know how much longer I can take it

by Lemon
(Saint Louis Mo USA)

I have been married to a trucker for 3 years we have two children and work full time and I'm dedicated to our church. Singing our praises and I'm constantly busy which helps me get through while he's gone.

However when he is home it's difficult because he doesn't seem to want to do anything to help out around the house.

For instance if the children are sick I still have to take off work to take care of them because he cannot go without sleep if he has to get ready to go out on the road. But through the week when the babies up I'm up all the time going without sleep all the time and I feel like he has no consideration for how much I do.

It's very difficult for me considering recently I found that he was trying to be unfaithful on his phone while traveling. So while I'm at home taking care of the house taking care of the bills taking care of the kids taking care of working full-time. He is out driving and looking for a new piece of ass. I don't know how much longer I can take it.

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Sep 27, 2016
Get out if you can NEW
by: Anonymous

I saw your post last month and I am having a similar situation and I wanted to write but was busy packing boxes for myself and my 2 daughters ages 12 and 13 because us 3 girls are getting out and was told by my Mom to move in with her. But anyhow I have been seeing posts of these posts saying communication, communication, blah blah blah. Oh these truckers communicate alright, yeah with their penis not with words. Mine has been trucking for 5 years and the first 4 years were fine but his behavior has totally changed. This year alone mine has been home 3 times and the end of this week will be 4 times he has been home, but with the exception of this time when he comes home for home time, my 2 daughters and myself will be out of here and living with my Mom till I find a place for myself and my 2 girls and my Mom lives in a gated community where my husband just cannot show up at my Mom's door. But I have always been taught that if anyone gives you crap and you don't start it first, you give them hell back and defend yourself and I have taught my 2 daughters that myself. Well the first time he came home for home time he started a fight out of the blue and I defended myself and then he started a fight with the 2 daughters and they defended themselves, well he says oh I may as well just get in the truck and leave and my 2 daughters, well his too, said hey go, so he did, he came home the second time and did the same thing but before he left he tried to get romantic with me and I told him I can't get romantic when you refuse to talk things over, so he said there is nothing to talk about but he said he wants his sex and I said yeah people in hell want ice water too, we no longer do FaceTime because my 2 daughters had their friends over and when he popped up on the computer, one of the friends told me that my husband was on the computer, so when I got on Face Time, he says to me hey why don't you take that top off so I can see some tits, I said to him the girls are here with our 2 daughters and he says to me oh so what they all got the same thing as you, I told him no and have some respect, well one of the friends told their parents and the Dad called me and said if I don't get rid of my husband for his disgusting behavior, his daughter cannot come over to my house and be with my daughters, well the last time my husband came home, I was not feeling well, I had a sinus infection and was on antibiotics and what did he do, but kept at me in bed and this time I noticed he had a few new techniques that he never did with me before, I told him I was not feeling well, he kept at me till I yelled at him, and then he said oh I may as well leave early again, he said oh our daughters fight with him, I am refusing him, I then told him he started all this, not us. Well my Mom said to me that why don't I start packing up our stuff and bringing it to her place so when it comes time for the lease to be up on our apartment, which will be in 2 months, I can move the bare essentials when it comes time. So in the meantime for these past 2 months I was packing my stuff and my 2 daughters were packing up their stuff that they do not use and putting it in my Mom's basement and my Mom said let's see how he likes it when he comes home for home time the end of this week and finds me and the 2 daughters out while he is at home for home time and then me and the girls will come back to the apartment when he leaves and my Mom said give him a taste of his own medicine to let him feel how it is when his own family is not here when he comes home and he has no idea that I told the apartment manager that after the lease is up I am not renewing the lease and after the holidays me and my 2 daughters will be finding our own place but my 2 daughters have their friends back and their parents are glad that I am getting rid of him. Like I said oh they communicate alright, yeah with their penis, not their mouth. I cannot speak for every truck driver but like my Mom said and my co-workers have said, these guys love being in the truck because it offers them a whole new lifestyle - getting paid to travel over the road and seeing the scenery, living like a single person with no family responsibilities, living conveniences at a truck stop such as showers, laundry facilities and eateries, and can get a piece of ass out there because they cannot get caught and the reason I refrained from having sex with him is because mine is the type that if I got a STD, right away he would say oh not him, he didn't do that because in his way of thinking, he cannot do no wrong, yeah right he does plenty wrong. And another reason I stopped having sex with him is because what woman wants to have sex with her husband and be loving and romantic if all he does is fight, fight, fight and yell and scream at me and the 2 daughters and their friends and then when I say let's talk about it, stop yelling at them, why you doing it, right away he says we have nothing to talk about because if all you girls did things the way I feel it should be, I would not be yelling, even the friends of my 2 daughters told me they were scared to death of my husband, so as you can see that would put any woman in the position of not wanting to have sex with her husband. When he started to yell and scream at our 2 daughters and their friends, and him trying to get romantic with me when I was sick the last time he was home, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. My Mom said this site should be called Trucker's Doormats or Trucker's Sex Slaves instead of Trucker's Wives, so good luck, I hope your life changes and that you find a way to be able to move in with your parents if you can, because I know now mine and my 2 daughter's lives have changed, now with us moving in temporarily with my Mom and not being around him and plus I have gotten all our phone numbers changed, even my Mom got her phone number changed and he can't call my place of work because the receptionist takes all incoming phone calls and she can tell him I am in a meeting. I swear this type of job sucks and the ugly evil treatment that some of these guys give their families are unthinkable!!

Aug 07, 2016
Communication and trust NEW
by: Anonymous

Communication and trust are of utmost importance when your married to a trucker. If you don't trust him then the relationship isn't going to last. Start communicating better with him. Let him know how you feel about having to handle everything at home while working full time. I know how hard it is. My boyfriend is gone for a month at a time but if I didn't trust him I would have to let him go and vice versa. I also have kids at home and i work. It can be stressful and lonely but he calls me every night which helps so much. Luckily, my boyfriend does realize how much I have on my plate and he helps out some when he's home. However, I do understand that he's tired so I let him sleep as much as he needs to when he's home. I also make sure to do my hair and makeup when he's home. We also have a healthy sex life which is so important. But all and all if you don't trust him then you really need to think about moving on. Sorry you're going through this!

Aug 06, 2016
I know that this is meant for the women NEW
by: Anonymous

but unfortunately, all of us see it.

What I'd like to say is this (from a man's point of view)

These exact same "I don't know how much longer I can take it" topic are more recurrant than Ive ever seen on this forum these days.

So, I will tell you in advance what everyone is going to say, or I'll just let them say it, but trust me when I say, it's the exact same response every time. "Communication,etc...blah blah blah"

I've been behind the wheel OTR over 30 years now.

When a woman feels the itch, she's gonna scratch it, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Most of you are young, you feel you are stuck at home losing your youth, the kids screaming, you want a break, you want to be held, you do need affection... and youre gonna find it one way or the other...

That being said, if you make that choice, which is usually when these posts come up, don't lie to him, and realize that whatever you do will probably be over quicker than it started, and if you start shooting your mouth off to your friends, the only ones who pay and feel pain will be your children... and your husband... but for the children...the pain is everlasting

Obviously back "in the day" we didnt have cell-phones, face-time and all the ways that social media can connect eachother... but we still made it, but never without problems... could even be when your kid has to go to the hospital... its a shitty feeling for dad. Trust me. He will question everything about his job.

As regulations increase on us out here, hometime, unfortunately, will also decrease. Electronic devices are going to force us to stop in our tracks at all cost, even if only a short distance from home

Sometimes, I believe these messages are posted after some of you women have already started another relationship and you are kind of looking for some wing-man type backup.

I'm not blaming, or saying that this is true, but let me say this: Being the Wife of a Trucker is not an easy job. Its nothing like your friend who has a man that comes home every night. But guess what? They cheat also... and sometimes worse. They work in offices right next to people of the opposite sex.. and wham! There it goes...always someone gettin' hurt.

What I am saying is this: If you are thinking in th is direction, tell your husband first or not at all. Let it fling on by.

I know you probably think he's out there banging everything in sight, but thats not reality for us. My wife also thought this. Never happened. Once I was away, I was faithful. My kids.. my wife... what I lived for.. and still do, although now me and my wife are happily separated.

She doesnt need another man, she just developed her own career and stopped depending on me for her happiness.

Its nearly impossible to take the road out of the trucker. He can try a sedentary lifestyle... but... that is just plain senseless. He will hate every minute of it. Once bitten....the diesel will flow in his veins, but so will his family.

I can't give advice, because you married a trucker.

What are your options? Telling him to come off the road? Cheating.. for momentary satisfaction and then dealing with the aftermath?

Thinking the grass is greener on the other side and then finding it isnt... and as you get older, living in regret?

"For better or for worse"

Talk to him and tell him what's up... or don't. But trust me, NOBODY here is going to have anything solid for you. It's your life.

You make of it what you will, because the fact of the matter is, you already have.

Good luck.

Get some facetime in and then maybe get back to school and get your own thing going.

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