Trucker wife of 17 years.

by Jennifer Roberts
(Bowling Green, Ky, USA)

My husband has worked local jobs for most of our 17 years of marriage. I have had a lot of jobs and had to quit to support him and take care of our kids. Which are 13 and 16 now.

But in the past he has never supported my work and helped me. I always had to do everything with no support from family and friends. I dont know if I am just greedy but he has tested our marriage with drugs, alcohol, toxic friends and recently almost cheated, cause i caught him texting her.

I am thinking about going to college at 41 and divorcing him after.

Please help me. I feel used and abused.

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Sep 23, 2019
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Responsibility Of a Man
by: Hervy

A man's role is to be a leader in the home. I don't know his situation other than what you've stated. But I am confused about you saying you're having to take care of him.

I also can't tell if his drug and alcohol addictions are current or in the past.

It seems that he has not matured as a man or husband. He seems selfish and irresponsible. That's not healthy for you or the kids.(Keep in mind, I only know a paragraph about the situation. Be careful about taking my perspective or even your friends who don't know all of the details.)

You definitely need to seek the advice of a local referred marriage counselor because there seems to be a LOT of things going on here.

You definitely should be making sure that you can take care of yourself and kids without him. (Seems that is already the case, if you're taking care of him)

He needs to get a trucking job with a different company if he is no longer an addict. Unless he can't because of his record.

Make sure you also have a life insurance policy with your kids (or grandma) as beneficiary (with stipulations in will how it is to be spent) and make sure there is one on him with you as beneficiary.

This is something I always advice families to do but when there is turmoil in the relationship from poor behavior it is even more important.

One more thing. If his attitude was dismissive after you caught him, or he got mad about your discovery, or made excuses about why...it's a bad sign. Probably not consciously aware of his poor behavior or doesn't care about the relationship. Both of which is not a good situation for the family.

If his attitude was apologetic and remorseful and you've witness a positive change in his personality since, maybe he is intentional about improving and saving the relationship. That means you have leverage in getting to get help and counseling.

If he is not going to be a man, work on becoming a man, then what is the point of being married to him. (Again remember I ONLY know what you have stated)

So share with local experts with top reviews on marriage counseling before making drastic decisions.

School already sounds like an excellent idea if you can swing it with the kids. With a 16 yr old sounds doable.

Best of luck and really hope you can get this home situation improved.

This page has a download that you could use to discuss the relationship with him.
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