The one and only love of my life, husband, father, and best friend cheated and took her on Rd with him when I would usually go, or stay home regardless

by Melissa
(Thorn Hill, Tn)

I met my Husband while I worked for a Christian drug program and he worked for one also, mine being all women's , his being all men's. We moved back to his hometown wich the trucking company is run by his whole family.

I had not been n a relationship for almost 9 yrs when I met my husband. I had been through so much pain and abuse as a child I didn't want a relationship or did I know the first thing about it!

My walls was so high, no one was allowed n more did I trust anyone. When he meet me, he persuadegg me for ever, it had to b a God Divine meet. I gave n but it took five yrs for me to allow myself to trust, feel loved, b intimate and it not b dirty or someone violating me. I told him everything, let him n where no one else was ever allowed. I could hug him and feel safe, he was my best friend, my world and he put me on a pedestal!

I would have bet a million he never would hurt me esp by cheating. Those five yrs was the hardest for us both, for me to trust, love and let him love me, for him to b patient, understanding and fight the feeling of it wasn't him I had a prob with, it was past sex abuse as a child.

I had a daughter when we meet who was 7, her father died, so he even took n her as his own. Then came our son Kaleb, I lost a Preg before him, a yr latter came our daughter McKenzie, I was very small figured when we meet and even after our son. But after our daughter I started gaining weight, we had battles from small to very large things.

He would and still lies bout the stupidest things. We fought all the time and really I had every proof of Adultry then but I ignored it, and still do. So we started marriage counseling by our pastor. Back n church, I felt freedom again but this time even more, I'd have my bath, kids bath, super and me at the door ready to meet him with hugs, kisses, take his boots off.

Within 3 mo span his 98 Mamaw died whom I cared for, our 38 yr old sis n law died of breast cancer and I was Preg again. He changed, I started having dreams of him leaving me for another woman, n dream he held her n front of me saying I don't love u no more. I had this dream every night, I'd wake up and tell him, feeling it so real and crying.

Three these yrs now, I went on as many rides as I could with grandparents help with kids, he didn't want me too any more, he would put tobacco n his mouth when walked n door so he didn't have to kiss me, he wouldn't and physically couldn't b intimate with me, I knew. I begged him to just tell me and when I did it was all me, I was a bi, I was cheating, etc...

The morning I woke up after another dream I knew I was loosing baby, barely able to crawl I begged him to stay home, don't go out of state, he looked at me, laughed and left. I managed to get n shower and our fifth baby, the 2nd lost came out at 15 weeks. I was all alone. We made it three and buried him.

My husband then started asking me to take me and kids and go visit my mom almost weekly. I finally couldn't take the pain no more, I went to our babies grave and prayed like never before, demanding God to tell me. That night she text me acting as another person telling me he had been with this woman for four months, she went on all rd trips and proof was n his truck.

My husband grabbed me begging me not to go to his work embarrassing him over my crazy head ideas, I flew to garage and found her pillow, covers, magazines, it was set up as her house n back bed. Somehow I still let him convince me it wasn't true, I just didn't want to believe! After another month and her ass calling me on purpose when they was having sex or n truck traveling, she finally called me and handed him the phone.

It was out, the pain I had, I'd went through every abuse and loss n my past than feel the pain I have now. I found out he left the day I lost baby cause she was waiting by truck n the cold, she told me things only he would ever say, love things he said to me, I was just a convenience.

She told him to choose then, I told him I had to hear him tell her, cuss her like they both did me, hurt her, let her out no matter b ing n another state, he waited till he got home to say he ended it, I didn't hear or c it? And found out that night I was Preg again, don't know how since he never could function with me but I was.

Every since our every days r miserable, I'm constantly throwing sarcastic remarks to him bout them both. I have a wall like I've never known b fore. I made him tell me details and it's just devastated me more. But I'm bigger than I have ever been Preg or not. It's all my fault but then I hate him for hurting me, I was doing and b ing all I could for him, my insecurity is insane! I can't even lay with him, let him c me naked, I hate myself, feeling so ugly, I was lame n bed, it was all me he went to her and I'll add mitt she is one sexy hot lady, but everyone's had a turn. I could never compare, I've not had the practice she has had to have slutty moves, I had already reached a point of pleasing him anyway he wanted and being happy to do it, so what did I do wrong, fat, ugly, and couldn't please ever like her.

What's worst is he tells me it never felt good, she was nasty gashed, he didn't touch but outing it n, never enjoyed it, never seen what her privates looked like and the worst is he had to go screw her, take her on trips cause she black mailed him and he was afraid to loose me or her do something to family.

First time she asked him to get n her car, drive around and talk about her working cleaning trucks. Shit!!!! He said all the sudden it just happened and he blacked out and so she had him blackmailed from their. He didn't like it?? All 6 months????

All the awful things said and done to me by both, besides, she told me 3 times and he would lie and me b n denial. Anyway, he said he would quit job, all promises, none kept. I hate him driving truck, I can't c what's going on b ing at home with 3 kids one here any day. We fight daily, no sex, kids r miserable, he swears he picked me not b cause he wouldn't have to pay child support and stuff, its made him love me more, we r strangers, miserable but as much as I hate I love him more and can't lose him but can't live this way either and he has started same behaviors again, when he was with her. He stays on rd and I hear at home,

I dont go no where, lucky to bathe, don't dress up at all and the pain daily is like the night they both admitted it, the pain is killing me and we r killing each other and our kids. I make him miserable now.

HELP, we both say we want to make it but u know as well as I do he liked her, her sex and black mail my ass and just how many more n his truck b sides me? This is the man who saved me, gave me joy and happiness, why???? A truck drive ing thing?

She is a lot lizard local, with no home but were any man will take her. He did have feelings for her. We go try to do things alone like before and it's such hard work, we are strangers!! I had a fetish, n warm weather, summer go have sex with him, my husband by remote rivers, woods b brave and go behind buildings n car, well they did that, since then he can't do what I always loved doing with him!

I'm dieing!!! And if not for baby, I'd off myself. What do we do?

Comments for The one and only love of my life, husband, father, and best friend cheated and took her on Rd with him when I would usually go, or stay home regardless

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 20, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Your Welcome NEW
by: Anonymous

Yes, this is the time for some soul searching. When you come to that place where things are all sorted out, you will be thanking yourself for being aware of this predicament. Your self esteem can appear in the mirror, each time you look into it and give yourself positive affirmations you will grow again...

Here is one of my reflections when I am feeling down;

"A tiny seed knew that in order to grow it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, and struggle to to reach the light."

Jul 20, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
To annonamus NEW
by: Melissa

I want to thank u. Most the time it takes someone out of the picture, they can see it for what it is b cause my mind is so scrambled, the hardest thing I'll have to work on is my self esteem, it's shot, it wasn't my fault, and get back to who I was before I left everything behind, my relationship with God, my children, ESP my 13 yr old. And any friend (all) friends I dropped. I let controll turn me n too a puppet , depressed , stay at home cause if I went anywhere I'm seeing some one. He is a hoarder and u can't keep it clean for that so I dropped my OCD with b ing so clean, sitting n a depression always knowing he was seeing someone or some other bad secretive thing, as husband and wife, to him we don't share everything. His money is his cause he works, well I consider b ing a stay at home, mother of four, never clock out. If I get money it goes to him. I can find the strong woman, don't take shit from no ont. it's the first step holding me back, if I go, where would we go?? One day it kills him for what he did, offers to either pay for me and kids a place, or he leave and we stay, oh and car n his name, when he tells me to kick rocks, don't even think u take the car? I realize all this now, he put on a good show for a while, I was treated good like never b fore, now I swear I'm treated like the adultress one, it will b so painful cause I loved him like I never thought I could. I'm scared of the pain but it's prob worst b ing n it than getting out and I have enough to heal from, I have seen so much, and I thank u for helping me open my eyes

Jul 19, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
To annonamus NEW
by: Melissa

Thank u for all your advice, haven't had no one to talk too and I'm blessed to have talked with u, sometimes it takes one on the outside looking n for the fact I'm so blind and denial, mind is clearing and I see the diffrence, thank u

Jul 19, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Good Girl NEW
by: Anonymous

This is great to hear....I am glad you are making good decisions...go get em' and make a happy life for yourself!!! no more misery, life is to short, watch out for your bsbies, most of all watch out for yourself, you are no good to anyone while living in this rut! God Bless you!

Jul 19, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I told him NEW
by: Told him

Ive told him over and over that cheating was the one thing I could never get over, and I showed him do whatever u want, I'll b your rug! Obviously it's true, hurts to bad, I can't and never will get over it, one minute he screams hit the rd, when he got caught it was I'll do whatever u need, u stay here and I leave, get you a place and provide your needs, quit the job, change my number, he only says what seems good untill he thinks I got it made, I'm growing balls and he thinks I shouldn't talk bout it daily, I dropped all friends and family for this false prophet so who does he think I'm going to talk to, and I'm done looking like a fool begging for his time to spend to me, DONE

Jul 09, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Thank u NEW
by: Too anonymous

Hard truth is hard to swallow but a fool turns his ears, a wise man takes what's said knowing hard but true. I know God won't move unless I do, and I'd say my healing will come when I do right and move on, I never want my girls to think haveing a man like this is right, same cycle all down the family and I can break this cycle through Jesus help only, not only that I don't want my two sons thinking this is ok to treat your special lady this way. I can't belieave I thought how much painful and miserable if I left but staying is more than leaving could ever b! He restores! My one concern is to begin with what is out their to leave and go to till I get back on my feet, anything is better than this, u have been truthful, good to me, opened blinded eyes and heart. Thank u and I pray God blesses u n any need u have

Jul 08, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
You stated you were counseling addicts? NEW
by: Anonymous



I am sorry for the tangled web you are in now.

If you were actually counseling others on how to behave after addiction all you need to do is apply the same methods you taught others to your situation. You are not that dumb or naive, you learned the ropes as a counselor. You also know the triggers and have knowledge about bad relationships. You also know about the addiction to "power and control", and you also know how to get out of that situation. And of all people and your specialized training you know exactly what you need to do.

Now grab a hold of yourself and all the knowledge and training you have in addiction and use it. I am not going to candy coat anything for you, and you know hands down & first what you need to do. Now do it.

You can either lay in the bed you made, destroy your life, and those lives around you, or you can get up and make the best decision for you and those around you and get out. HE did not SAVE YOU... you gave that power to him and he went on to use that as a power play form of control.... you as a Christian know only GOD and ourselves is what can save us... and that is where you might of went wrong? Allowing someone else to save us is the worst way we can come out of any addiction! It has to be self serving not to be mistaken for serving others.

Dont worry, he will have to pay child support and you will be able to receive aid and medical care, which he will have to supply as well. He is as doomed as you feel....think about it....then you can move on and take the responsibility of those precious girls to not have the same fate as yours.. that's the least you can do and forget about your own selfish motives of staying with this cruel human being to satisfy your addiction.

Always remember LOVE is not an emotion it is an action word! You know this as a former counselor. I will hope and pray you will read the message in my post and I will pray you make the right decision and I will also pray God will take away the blinding pain you are experiencing so you can see things for what they are..

God Bless!

Jul 07, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Anonymous NEW
by: Anonymous

Thank u for your advice, I got Preg a couple days b 4 truth was out, I have had some w him since then but only b cause I'm still stupid enough to belieave he ended it. And with Preg I got checked for everything. Not trusting means can't love does make since, then what is it. With b ing so miserable I still dont want to lose him, I call it love, I did love him with all that's n me.? She supposably went away, not a lot from another state but lives right near his work and well she gets with all CMT truckers. All of a sudden she's been brought back up again. This isn't me, from my past I was a strong woman, hurt me and u r gone and I had no prob with that. But now even if I tried sleeping with him it's awful, I feel nothing no more, and I hate and blaim myself for what he did, I c him and her, not us. I have no where to go and who would ever want a person with 4 kids? God I'm hurting so bad! But u r so right by all u said. The one time I gave my heart when I thought could never happen, b cause of my issues as child, how can I again? I want a good man, one who treated me and I treated him n first 4 yrs but it b real? God I want to die

Jul 07, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
DIVORCE!!! NEW
by: Anonymous

Seems to me this marriage has been over for a while. My question is why oh why are you still sleeping with him???? You cant aay you love him and not trust him, it's binded together. Get some councilling, get an std test (if hes sleeping with lot lizards u dont know what they got!!!)sometimes and file for a divorce! Get alimony and child support. Be the kind of woman you want your daughters to be. You have to do whats best for them, and teaching them that this kind of relationship is ok is WRONG!!!! No man is worth this kind of pain! He is no longer hurting you, you are only hurting yourself by staying. There are good men in this world but he is not one of them. Good luck and God bless.....

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Advice for Truckers and Truckers Wives.








Trucker Jobs