Still Learning to Deal with the Separation

I'm not his wife yet but we intend to be engaged this summer. I am still learning to deal with the separation factor, even though we text and talk daily.

I know that I am luckier than most, in that I actually get to see my man at least overnight, once a week, in the summer. Sometimes he comes in for a few hours between loads on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Because I was so alone in my prior marriage, and used to doing stuff by myself and taking care of the dogs and household alone, the position I am in now is not unfamiliar, and at least I have friends and family nearby that occupy my time when he's on the road. For that I am grateful.

My boyfriend has given me the gift of not having to work, so that I can relax and do my crafts, take walks w/ the pups, work on my photography, etc. But the separation is still very hard.

I don't sleep well when he's gone at all. Like today I got a text from him that he was on his way home at noon. At 4 I texted to ask if he was getting close. He texted back that he'd had to pull over to sleep, so it would be close to 7. I was crushed and shed a few tears, but I don't let on to him how devastated I am.

I know that when he needs to sleep, he needs to sleep. I'd rather have him delayed than dead. But, 7 means a quick shower, dinner and he'll crash b/c we have to do banking and errands early on Sat. mornings. He just gets home and then he has to leave Sat. night to start the cycle again.

Sundays are the worst, loneliest day of the week for me.

I think the thing that gets me through it the most is knowing just how exhausted he is. How stressed he is about traffic, idiot drivers with a death wish, accidental oversleeping, not to mention listening for every weird sound in the truck or with the reefer. Truck repairs. Blown tires. Blown budget because of repairs and tires. They still can't isolate why his a/c isn't working and we're coming into heat and humidity for the next 3 months, so that means sweating with a fan at night sandwiched between 2 hot engines, while I get to enjoy watching TV in our a/c house.

The other day he accidentally snagged a wire, pulled down a pole and the transformer punched a hole in the top of the trailer. He missed a load pick up and had to deadhead all the way down to the next stop & exchange the trailer. So I try really, really hard not to be 'that' girl who starts whining to him that I never get to see him and all that.

When he gets in, for that brief time, I never ask or expect him to do anything except relax, which he's earned, and I spoil him rotten, and wait on him too. I know how much he loves me and how hard he's working.

He loves having a stay at home girlfriend/wife, and I greatly appreciate this gift of not having to go back to work yet.

I'm really new at this truck driver's wife/girlfriend thing. We've been together a little over a year, and we started as a long distance relationship for the first 6 months, of 3,200 miles as I left my life on the west coast to be with this man.

But now that I'm here, I wish I could see him more often. I hope I'm handling it in a way that's sensitive to what he's going through.

Comments for Still Learning to Deal with the Separation

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 20, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Living alone NEW
by: Anonymous

25 years as a truckers wife, good for you!! You seem very happy.

I will not come down to your level by responding to your last post.

Aug 18, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Look idiot!! REAL World! Your a joke!! NEW
by: Anonymous

I take it you cant read either......

SHE STATES IN HER POST:

"Because I was so alone in my prior marriage, and used to doing stuff by myself and taking care of the dogs and household alone, the position I am in now is not unfamiliar, and at least I have friends and family nearby that occupy my time when he's on the road. For that I am grateful".

SHE HAS NO CHILDREN...... PETS ONLY....HELLO...

So get back down to earth or not... I can tell you cannot even read.... and quit trying to sabotage other peoples suggestions "SINCE" you hate your life as a truckers wife with kids.... no one chose this life for you... and if you hate it so much...get the hell out and stop trying to take other people down with you and your unhappiness!!

Is this real enough for you MORON!!

By the way I have been with my trucker 25 years and have loved every minute of it.....

Aug 17, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
The Real World NEW
by: Anonymous

This idea is not the real world.

Book a hotel close to him, get all dolled up, have the room fixed up. Most of the truckers wives either have children or jobs. So jumping in the car to drive across a couple of towns or even a state isn't the real world.

If you read my last post, I don't want my boyfriend or hubby to give me an allowence. I'm a grown woman and want to contribute to our life's goals, by working. Truckers are not rolling in the dough.

Your post show you are very new to this life style or very young.



Aug 17, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
sh....t happens!! NEW
by: Helonwheels

Do all your banking online...bills...shopping for necessities is easy a lot of stores online offer free shipping with orders in certain amounts....

Book a hotel closer to where he might be driving through have it all dolled up and food ready.....no worries then...have him give you an entertainment allowance so you can do all the planning.....

timing is of the essence this is true so since you get to kick back all week put that extra effort into your relationship and he surely will appreciate that......

:) Helonwheels

Aug 17, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Truckers Life NEW
by: Anonymous

If you married this man just so you didn't have to go back to work, was a huge mistake on your part. I was a stay at home mom for years. My husband had control of what we bought and although I was fine at first but I felt like a child. I'm divorced now after 19 years, my children are grown and I would never ever give up my job and go back to that life style ever again.

Jun 16, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Dear Still Learning NEW
by: Helonwheels

First, I would like to ask you to please don't judge all of us for what some idiotic people have to say. Reason being that some do not think with logic or brilliance.

Second, yes you are very correct we have this site available for the purpose of sharing, venting or for what ever other reasons we choose such as making new friends, telling a joke, or giving out some good suggestions.

Third, your post is yours and is valid and yes no one has the right to make fun of it by being facetious in any way or manner

Fourth, we will not always hear what we want to by posting here so if you can let the dumb advice go, probably those type of people will go away too! :)

I like what another person said here and seems as the best suggestion yet, and that is to go on the road with him and I suggest for at least one month straight, when the month is over if you like come back here and let us know how it went.

I will be here waiting to hear and listen with an open ear, no matter what!

Have fun okay!! :)

Helonwheels

Jun 16, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Go with him! NEW
by: Anonymous

Since you're not working, why don't you join your boyfriend in his truck while he works? You didn't mention if you have small children, so I don't know if you do or not. It is a lonely life if the wife stays home and her man is gone trucking. Be grateful that you have family close, cause I don't and it is brutal many of times! Best regards.

Jun 16, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
STILL LEARNING TO DEAL NEW
by: Anonymous

Remember that we are on this blog because we are all a little lonely.. It is nice to just hear that there are alot of other lonely women married to Truck Drivers, and we can vent to each other.
It is heartwarming that you are so appreciative
of your Man.

Jun 16, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I'm sorry I shared my story NEW
by: Anonymous

How am I giving up my freedom when I don't have to work? This man is the love of my life. No one's ever loved me as much as he does and I've never loved anyone as much as I love him. Yeah I'm not gonna be a telemarketer. I hate those wretched people, I don't like talking on the phone. What kind of a suggestion is that?

Wow I'm really sorry now that I shared my story on this page. Didn't think I was gonna get trashed right off. I thought I would meet other trucker's wives with words of wisdom on dealing with separation issues, not "so your giving up your freedom, and closing the doors on the possibility of ever finding someone you could have a fulfilling life with, setting yourself up to endure a life of loneliness, in trade for a guy you hardly see, just so he will pay the bills and you won't have to work?" What a crappy thing to say. And by the way, it's YOU'RE! Not 'YOUR'.

Jun 16, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Food for thought NEW
by: Anonymous

so your giving up your freedom, and closing the doors on the possibility of ever finding someone you could have a fulfilling life with, setting yourself up to endure a life of loneliness, in trade for a guy you hardly see, just so he will pay the bills and you won't have to work? Primarily talking on the phone, for the most part, isn't going to meet your needs for intimacy and companionship, but if you think it will, why not just get a telamarketing job. You'd still have your freedom, and all the doors of opportunity of meeting someone you could share your every day life with, would still be there. Just saying!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Life As A Trucker's Wife.








Trucker Jobs