Nothing easy about being a trucker wife

by Baby Bear - April

Hi. I am April I am a single mom now of 3 wonderful kids Matthew 9 yrs & Taylor 7 yrs & Leah 3 yrs.

I never agreed to be a single mom. But my Hubby Jammie wanted to become a truck driver so now I have no choice in the matter to do things all by my self & The kids are growing up fast and he misses out on almost everything.

I wonder sometimes if other trucker mates feel this way & struggle as much as me or if I just make a really lousily trucker wife?

I absolutely HATE it. He's only been driving for 5 1/2 months. He was trying to get a local job, but nobody would hire with less than 12 mos. experience.

So, the first company that hired him, he went with...which is okay because it seems to be an okay company, so far. Other then he went IC & he isnt making hardly nothing for money we are so broke its not even funny.

He first had to ride with a trainer for 6 1/2 weeks - he was gone, with no home time. I thought I was going to DIE!! It was totally miserable. I cried all the time - I missed him so much. It was hard, here, to function without thinking about him all the time. I didn't feel like doing much of anything.I feel so a lone. It's still like this nothing has changed much & its been 5 1/2 months. In addition, trucking can be very expensive.

Jammie can spend a lot, in addition it seems he always need something for the truck such as GPS, Radio, lights, broom, CB, and the list goes on and on.

I can call him anytime I want or need to. We talk all the time on the phone maybe 10 or more times a day. We try to be as supportive as possible even though we might be a couple of thousand miles apart.

We are devoted to each other.
Jammie & I been together 6 Years this December & Never really spent the night a way from each other up & til now. Not to put more stress on my plate & acting as a single mom the kids need me & keep me going I am always running with the kids to there activities & dinner & home work & house work I never have a free min to my self it seems like.

I just want my baby back home with me this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do I hope things become easy.

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Mar 09, 2010
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Update
by: Baby Bear - April

Hay Gals & Guys ~

I just thought that I would give you an update on my story everyone likes to hear what’s going on & if things are getting better or worse with the driver’s wives. Let me tell you this isn’t a cake walk being a driver’s wife. We have had many up’s & downs. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do is say good bye over & over again. It makes you feel as if your driver is never coming home again and very hart broken time and time again. We have almost lost are home three or more times, bills haven’t been paid. My driver wasn’t making very good money its so ruff when you first start out its no even funny. This all was very hard for the family to deal with.

I am happy to say that my hubby has a new job he is home way more often now don’t need to miss any of the holidays. He is gone seven days and home 4 days. My hubby is making way better money we can pay are bills now and keep a ruff over this family’s head with out worrying. I couldn’t ask for better its all about hanging in there for the long hall its well worth it. I love my driver more and more everyday. I am so glad I stuck by him on this long ugly road. This is when your hubby need you the most. Just sit back and think about it he isn’t out there busting his hump for nothing it’s for you and the family. I know the men out there have bad days and wives don’t take it personal just sit back and listen to your driver you are the closeted one to them. Gals just hang in there it will get better over time and pay off in the long run. I thought it wasn't ever going to get better. It really does keep your head up and stay busy. I just thought before I end my update I would share with you a wife’s prayer feel free to copy it if you like.

Dear Lord,
Please bless my husband while he's out on the road. Please protect him from the wind and rain and cold. Help him to keep that big rig between the white lines so he can make it to his destination on time. May he find his back-haul quickly and make it home soon. Please light his night on the road with your stars and moon. Let him rest peacefully in his sleeper's bed, and please let there be a good meal and fresh coffee at the truck stop ahead. Help me to keep the home fires burning while he's out there moving' on. And give me the strength and wisdom to take care of things while he's gone. May the road he travels be clear and dry, and may not temptation catch his eye. Help him remember when he's all alone that his loving wife and best friend is waiting for him here at home.
Amen


Nov 27, 2009
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Reply back
by: Baby Bear

Dottie -

Hay I hear you I know what you mean & I guess at this point I love him so much & I am stuck in a hard spot on what to do next ? I mean we are about ready to loose are home because he isn’t making hardy lee anything for money I miss him so much I cant hardly stand it anymore & its like he expects so much out of me I am already spared so thin I cant do much more I am doing a lot already geese what more can I do? I guess I don't feel like he is pulling his part the money isn’t there & he is spending to much out there & I don't mean on food he went IC well I think that was silly on his part so there for he has gas, truck payment, Ect…… no reason for him to be a trucker I feel it’s for single men at this point in my life maybe I am wrong I don't know but this isn’t no cake walk let me tell you that

Nov 27, 2009
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Reply back
by: Baby Bear

Dottie -

Hay I hear you I know what you mean & I guess at this point I love him so much & I am stuck in a hard spot on what to do next ? I mean we are about ready to loose are home because he isn’t making hardy lee anything for money I miss him so much I cant hardly stand it anymore & its like he expects so much out of me I am already spared so thin I cant do much more I am doing a lot already geese what more can I do? I guess I don't feel like he is pulling his part the money isn’t there & he is spending to much out there & I don't mean on food he went IC well I think that was silly on his part so there for he has gas, truck payment, Ect…… no reason for him to be a trucker I feel it’s for single men at this point in my life maybe I am wrong I don't know but this isn’t no cake walk let me tell you that

Nov 26, 2009
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Its down hill now.
by: Dottie

I hope he comes to his senses and gets out soon. My husband was a driver when I met him. So I did not get a chance to really miss him. But it didn't take long for him to start wondering. While I was at home missing him and taking care of everything by myself he was enjoying his double life. Sometimes the money they make is not worth the heartbreak. If you two guys love each other as much as it sounds like then I hope he gets out of the business soon.

Nov 16, 2009
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Chin up
by: Jennifer S

April,

I have read all that the others have said. I do not need to be redundant in their comments.

You are 100% right that it is NOT easy being a drivers wife. ESPECIALLY that first year. That is the toughest. Not that it ever gets "easier" but finding away to deal with it does.

I started our Facebook LAAT Truckers Wives because so many of us feel the same way you do. We have wives/girlfriends/significant others in all stages of being a "Single wife" from new to the game, to been here done this for over 10 years. We have found that this site has been a true hit.

Not only do you have people that can relate to right where you are- but we can also relate to the "single wife" game. We all have our ups, and our downs. There is NOTHING like having women to talk to, vent to, a shoulder to cry on, or advice on how to just make it through the next hour.

If you do not have a facebook, then please join us there! We would love to have you- and I honestly believe this will help you as well.

As far as the "being broke" the first year is very difficult. I remember when Keith first started. It was the same way. We were constantly broke! Now- I can say into our 2nd full year. The money is much better! It is the bigger companies however, that you are going to make the money with.

My husband is flatbed. He makes approximately 1k a week. and is home almost EVERY WEEK-END. This may be something he wants to consider. Local jobs pay horribly. There are very little of the small companies that can afford or do pay like the bigger ones.

Again, please add us to face book, here are the addresses ;)

Mine:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/XoKissMyGritsoX

Truckers Wives:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/Truckers.Wives

Robin said it very well- we met here, as I have most of the women we have in our support group. Please join us!! I think you will find it an immense support to you, your driver, and your family!! May I add, for the most part, this is real time- You can get the support almost 24/7. When you get there, and you do add us, please feel free to add ALL the wives! A support group is only as good as the effort we all put into it.

Look forward to hearing from you!
Jen

Nov 16, 2009
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You certainly sound like you have your hands full
by: Robin

Well, April, all I can do is offer words of encouragement~that's pretty unique what happened to your daughter, though...I'm sorry about that - that's an added stress, for sure! I have 3 kids, too - my older are 13 and almost 12, and I have a 15 month old, as well. The first time my husband was gone for those 6 weeks, when he came back the little one didn't remember him - that was really hard. We're trying to do the same thing - when he gets that 6 months -24 months whatever he needs so he can work locally. He's only been driving since August! It's going VERY slow! I'm the same like you , though...at first I cried almost every day...I missed him so much and it was so hard feeling like you're a single mother. Luckily for me (if you can call it that) I've been a single mother before...with the older 2 I was alone for 6 years with them before - so I know what it's like, but you still have to include your husband in everything because you ARE still married! But you have to make executive decisions, sometimes. If you want to email me privately it's prettybird712000@yahoo.com. Like I said, this website has a support group that's linked on facebook - we have good conversations about all of this stuff - it helps so much to have people who understand what your life is like! It sounds like the training program for CR England is very similar to Swift (that's who my husband drives for - he tried CR England and they didn't accept his application??? go figure). He went with the first company that called him for a job. He's only home 4 days a month, though...and that's tough. I've learned to find some good things about it - find joy in the kids' lives - I'm a stay-at-home mom, but I'm in graduate school, so I have some things to keep me busy. Sometimes I get really lonesome, though, for sure! Well, I hope it helps to know you aren't alone in this! Email me any time! Robin

Nov 16, 2009
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Getting back to you - Robin
by: Baby Bear

does he drive for Swift, by chance?)
No he drives for CR England

how long is he gone, now, on trips? 2 weeks? 3 weeks?
No he is maybe home three days out of the month & now we will see if he is even home for the holidays he NEVER made it home for the kids for Halloween that was pretty sad. The only reason why he made it home when he did this last time was for a medical reason for are three year old daughter she end up in a full body cast for five weeks and two days in the hospital let me tell you she is SOOOO much work now its not even funny but here I am doing it all by my self makes me mad but hay what can you do but suck it up & say nothing.

Nov 15, 2009
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Hang in there!
by: Anonymous

April, I feel like I'm reading something I wrote! I have felt EXACTLY the way you do. My husband and I have been together 6 years in March - and we were together all the time before he began driving in May - and his first time out was for 45 days with no home time at all (6 weeks)- (does he drive for Swift, by chance?). It feels like deja vu! I was so sad for the first 3 months....I found some other ladies that have trucker husbands and boyfriends to talk to, and we all get excited about the same things and get mad about the same things - it feels really good to know you're not feeling different than other people in the same situation! This is REALLY hard, I know - how long is he gone, now, on trips? 2 weeks? 3 weeks? It's extremely hard, and we're experiencing the financial sting as well...I look at our checking account and see all of these charges from his debit card...$15 here and there...it nickel and dimes you. Hopefully if he can stick with it long enough he will be making better money soon and get more home time, too. My husband, like yours, was looking for a local job, but ran into the same road blocks yours did....must have 6 months - 24 mos experience....how do you get that??? You have to bust your butt at the bottom of the totem pole for a little while. When you look back on this, this year or however long he does what he's doing RIGHT NOW, will seem so short. Just keep looking for the silver lining and the light at the end of the tunnel! Hang in there, it gets a little better. You wouldn't be human if you got "used to it"...that would be a bad sign, but you get better at managing your emotions and your time away from him so it's not so hard. I hope this helps - join us on facebook in the truckers' wives support group - you'll find some really great, supportive women there! Robin

Nov 15, 2009
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Wifey misses Hubby.
by: Jimmy

This is an extremely touchy subject with a lot of people. I've seen a lot of divorces over the years caused by carreer choices. Think about Military people gone for a year, or, shift work where one spouse works graveyard and the other works days. Or, on-call type professions such as medical, police, plumber etc. You just have to make up for lost time in other ways when you are together. I feel bad for the kids. Jimmy

Nov 15, 2009
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Moving Forward
by: Anonymous

Sweetie you are in for a long haul. If he is going to make this his career choice you better brace yourself for many more years of tears and loneliness. This is no picnic for the kids either.

We hung a map on the wall so the kids could track thier dad as he was rollin. But it takes a toll especially I think on the boys while they are growing up, yet it is just as important that the girls have dad there too.

It is a hard life. There is always too much month left at the end of the money. If you husband drves the same truck all the time he can look into a small fridge and keep lots of good snacks on hand. It is reall easy to gain alot of weight behind the wheel because there is no regimented way to eat it just depends on his schedule, soemtiems he may have dinner at 4 or 5 pm or it could be 8 at night. He is going to have find a ways to make his money stretch, it is way too expensive to eat on the road.

Get your self a support group, like church or crafts. It's good you are invovled with the kids activities but once they hit middle school it will not be as easy to do so.

You may have to plan things at your home like having women coming over for hot chocolate and movies or whatever, You are going to have to be creative because you will need alot of distraction.

I have been doing this for over 20 yrs. We almost ended our relationship last month but that almost killed both of us so we are going to keep trying to make this work. We love each other very much and have always been faithful to each other I was just at my wits end with it all but we spent some time together and made some new plans and are gong to see how it goes from here.

God bless your family always and if you have any questions I am always here. Angie. You can read my blogs "Moving Forward"

Nov 15, 2009
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truckers wife takes a special person with a special person
by: Hervy

Hello Baby Bear,

Being a truckers wife is as harder if not harder that being a truck driver. You are not imagining it and you are not alone.

It takes a special person to be a trucker's wife and thrive. It's kind of hard to know what you will experience until your there for the driver and the spouse at home until your actually going through it but your testimony will help many others who are there and hopefully help me shed some light to others before they make the decision.

You have to be in the company of good positive people as a trucker's wife and it's good to try and be a part of the trucking experience to stay connected with your husband.

As far as the money he spends, being an over the road driver can be expensive but most of the cost can be controlled and predicted with a little planning.

Calculate how much he makes per month (or week but month will show more dramatic figures)
and how much makes it home to take care of the family.

Then talk about a budget and controlled spending.
Like taking food instead of buying food at the truck stops, etc.

Check out The Truckers wives support group on facebook when you get a chance to communicate with other ladies in your shoes.

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