Never thought I could do this??

I have been a OTR truck drivers wife for 2 1/2 years now. We have only been married 2 1/2 years. I was even teaming with him for a period of six months until the accident, I broke both my wrists and haven't worked since.

That was a year and a half ago. I totally believe he is cheating on me and has had someone else in his life from the beginning. He loves women and he loves to talk. At first like I have read, he couldn't stay off the phone with me.

Now if we talk ten minutes in a day, I am lucky. Yet, he has a cell phone with unlimited talk and texting and goes ballistic when I say, oh we can cut back on our phone minutes because we talk so little anymore. He totally freaks out over that.

We only see each other 3 1/2 days out of a month. Yes, only approx. 42 days a year, This make for a horrible relationship.

Also he NEVER, tries to get another job and of course I am blamed for that. Also his other excuse for us not talking is, no reception and he is too busy. He is a trainer, but he also gets 10 hours off a day too. And he is sitting a lot also.

I don't know if it would have been easier or not to have been a truck driver. It has caused its problems now that I am not out there. When we talk he acts like I have never seen anything out there or know anything and talks to me like I am a new person.

He also tells me how he has left me voice mails and texts, of course I never received them and I say to him he is mistaken wrong person. This gets him really mad.

He doesn't really care what goes on in my life anymore and honestly if we got a divorce it wouldn't be any different than what we are going through right now. We fight and argue ALL the time. This is the first time that I have shared what I have been going through and I see the other writings and have compassion for them too.

I do not see an answer for us. Lately I have really decided in my heart that I need a life outside this home. I don't do other things and I rely on my husband to at least have an interest in me, but I don't believe him anymore and really do not believe that he cares at all what I do.

I have no idea what to do. We have tried counseling, and he doesn't do anything they suggest, so I have given up. He says I am full of nothing but psycho babble and doesn't want to hear anymore from me about what I believe the problems are.

So I have totally shut down and really do not care any longer. If he doesn't want a divorce, which is beyond me, I won't get one. And if one day he does then so be it. I have never been this unhappy in my life.

I waited 13 long years for this! A husband who is never here and has better relationships and wants those with his students. He actually knows more about his students than his own wife and even cares to know about.

I tell him that if I was in an accident he would be the last one they would call if at all. We are broken and I do not know if we can be fixed. :(

Actually I believe he may be talking to and even seeing his ex wife but he denies everything and again blames me for everything.

Signed Totally Shut Down.

Comments for Never thought I could do this??

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May 24, 2012
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Not trying to be harsh just real NEW
by: Anonymous

These are your quotes not mine:

"There are many times I believe I need to walk away so that he and I can have happiness. I wasn't married for 13 yrs prior to this and was extremely content". I let my guard done and now I am truly miserable. Yes, and so is he!!!"

"It is probably true that if I were OK financially I would walk out. That is a horrible reason I know to stay in a marriage."

Yes! It is a horrible reason to stay in a marriage just for financial gain! So do you believe you are doing something that is morally right? And use Christianity in your same post? This is what I do not understand?

Try to let this be a good lesson for you, while posting items you do not want any response to. Be careful about what you want to air, because when people put dirty laundry out there they will get a response even if they can not see what they are doing in there relationship is morally unacceptable. Another case of "open mouth insert foot" mistake. (now this is harsh) You really could not believe some one would read your post and validate what you are doing in your marriage?

Fair well and pray for forgiveness so you can clean up your act.


May 24, 2012
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Very harsh don't you think NEW
by: Anonymous

Wow, you whom ever you are have made a very false accusation about the situation that only a few paragraphs have stated about the situation. Go ahead and pull the log you think is in my eye, and not be concerned with the one that is in yours. I have not lied to my husband at all, matter of fact that is some of our fights because I am so blattenly honest. So, your comments are unwarrented, and if you feel you must judge me then maybe you might ought to take a look at yourself. Thanks but now thanks.
God knows I set myself up for comments like you have written. There is always a better than thou in the bunch isnt there?

May 23, 2012
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Dear Very Different Suggestions NEW
by: Anonymous

You state that cheating is a adultery and that it a sin through your religion of Christianity and that your appalled by it.

I believe that are other sins such as "lying" and "stealing" from each other are too.

You state that you are staying in the relationship because you are unable financially to leave. This is a form of lying and stealing. If you are physically able to work you could right.

Stating if it wasn't for the money you would leave, that's a form of stealing to better your lifestyle. In Divorce he would pay alimony, child support, etc.....? So your excuse for not leaving is equally weak.

There are 1,000's of women today who work and support there own children without the help of a man and are able to make it.

Staying in a marriage because of money is also a lie. Your confusing the sanctity of marriage and religion to benefit self through financial gain and this is a lie.

NOT one sin is better than the other they are equally wrong in the eyes of the Lord and he does not compensate those who seem to think that their sin is smaller than the next????

May 23, 2012
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Very Different suggestions NEW
by: Anonymous

Wow, these comments show really how many truckers wifes are really hurting. I do believe all we want is to be happy and not have to worry on whether or not our husbands have failed us in the struggle of not being faithful. For a man to be that week appals me. I am a christian first of all and have held on because the word says divorce should be the last resort. Yes, in cases of adultery divorce is imperitive. I do also remember when I was not saved and that is where my husband is. He could careless about God and christianity. He and I do totally walk in different worlds. It is so the disappointments of what OTR truck driving does to a marraige. We really can never plan anything because just as sure as you do it changes. So so much for those good deals out there!
There are many times I believe I need to walk away so that he and I can have happiness. I wasn't married for 13 yrs prior to this and was extremely content. I let my guard done and now I am truely miserable. Yes, and so is he!!! Again we come from way to different of worlds to keep this going. It is probably true that if I were OK financially I would walk out. That is a horrible reason I know to stay in a marriage. I do see that he is not trying either and it seems he is just waiting for me to say the words. Just get a divorce. Anyway one day at a time sweet Jesus, one day at a time. I had just planned a vacation only to have to cancel everything, because of unforeseen circumstances of the truck driving. I am truly heart sick and do not know what is going to happen. :( Oh well!

May 23, 2012
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Dear Understand and Never thought NEW
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss, and now for your unhappiness. While it is true you can just love someone and not be in love with them this would serve as a reason for you to move on.

There is love like, how you love your mother, father, brother, sister, or even friend. There is in love as in, you hunger for that person every day you are with them. Now both of these types of love that may be contained in a relationship outside family love, can be desperate signs. If you are having sexual relations with someone who says they love you but not in love with you, well isn't that like having sexual relations with a family member? eeewww!!!

And on the other hand if an individual hungers for a person every single time they see them this becomes an obsession and can lead to drastic situations.

Now what I would like to be known and not known to most, is that love is NOT an "emotion" love is an action word. We measure love by the kind actions or unkind actions that the partner presents to us and this is how to determine if this person is truly there for us and is in our best interest, simply put Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong.

So If this partner is going around and doing things like hurting you by cheating or saying mean things that hurt you isn't that already 2 strikes against him.

So girls, my recommendation is do the math and find out how to overcome bad relationships, then work on self, then will not bring baggage of old relationships into your any new found relationships.

I wish you both the best and be who you can be Strong Women who take control of their lives without having men to control it for you.

Good Luck
Sincerely
:)

May 23, 2012
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understand NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband told me that he lovees me but not in love with me. Then I found out that he was having an affair and is caught up in the game out there. This blindsided me I had no idea. So of course he wants a divorce and I'm sure he will regret it. So hold ur head high and be strong, because I'm having a hard time with it. Don't let it get u down. Take care.

May 22, 2012
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Run Fast
by: Anonymous

You are sad, lonely, brokenhearted, miserable and this is sad. What are you waiting around for? More pain?

You have already went to counseling and this did not work this should help you to understand that if counseling didn't work nor will the relationship.

No one is bending here only attacking, it just doesn't make sense. Some of what you have explained doesn't make sense either?

I am only being real here and I feel bad for you and him. So that you you can feel better and for him to feel better would be to suggest that the one thing that would help would be to move up and out of this relationship.

Try to get your mind, body and soul together and move out and move forward so that both of you can live a more healthier and happier life.

Good Luck

May 22, 2012
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THINK ABOUT THIS
by: Anonymous

My husband has been a long haul trucker through out his adult life. I understand your concerns, and the loneliness your experiencing, and the feelings of wanting to give up.

When there's some truth to what your saying, you will be accused of being a psycho babbler. From my experience, I've learned that when a man blows you off, he's lost interest in the relationship.

I wouldn't talk divorce, until you've set yourself up, to be able to stand on your own two feet financially, if that isn't where your heads at, accept your situation, and when you talk to him, don't bring up how lonely you are, or what you think he's up to behind your back, and pursue outside interests when he's gone, because no one can live happy isolating themselves from the rest of the world. my husband has cheated on me, with other women out on the road.

It's a common behavior for truckers to have one night stands, or affairs out on the road, because they feel certain they won't get caught.

They want sex, and some companionship, I don't think it has anything to do with love, and they will deny it, until they get caught. That's reality! Do what you have to do to make yourself happy.

May 22, 2012
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so sorry
by: Anonymous LT

I am truly sorry you are going through this. I've been married to a trucker a few years but I've known him for 6yrs and yes its very hard to deal with them being gone. I have went out with him and i see what goes on have women come up to his truck and knock on the door asking if he wanted company.

Well I let them know he had a woman and didn't need a lot lizard and most of these women I've seen are just plain nasty. But you have to stand your ground and tell him you know what he's doing and that you won't stand for it.

Yea he'll get mad and that's fine you don't deserve to be treated like this and you will find that person who loves you for you.

I wish you the best and hope things get better for you.

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