My bad in Arkansas

by don (desperado)
(Florida)

True story. A little humor goes a long way with a lot of troopers of which some are pretty good guys. I know I ran into a few in my 5,000,000 career.

A few years back before I retired I was coming into Little Rock on I-40 heading to the Petro. Was in construction zone, left lane running 68 in a 55. With the C-B off and Willie on the stereo.

I was just truckin along. When I passed the last truck and went under the bridge there was smokey. Well he lit me up and I shut it down on the shoulder.

He climbed up on that freight liner fuel tank and said I,m gonna need your bills license, med card, registration and how does that log book look?

I said log was presentable and he said get it together and come back to the car. He already had my license and registration and I knew my log was about 7 hrs behind. He said did I not hear about him on the C-B? Said he had been behind that bridge for 20 min and everyone was talking about him.

I told him I had radio off and was sorry for speeding. It just kind of got away from me. He said it might be my lucky day and I said tell me more. He said since he was going on vacation the next day to Arizona with his wife he could not be in court.

I kind of laughed and said why Arizona? Its hot and dusty there, but he said wife had family there. I said he should come to Florida instead and he could use my boat to fish. He laughed and said he had my address. He said since I did not give him any guff I could have my choice of tickets.

Log book which he did not not know the fine or speeding which was i think 785.00 and points and court costs. I took the log ticket. While packing up I asked if he had time for a story and he said sure.

I said did you here about the kid got stopped for 113 in a 65 and he said no. I told him cop asked why he was going 113 in a 65 and kid says he was on his way to new job. Cop said what kind of job makes you drive 113. Kid says gonna be a rectum stretcher.

Cop says how does that work? kid says get two fingers in and stretch. work your way up to elbows and stretch it out far as you can. cock 1 leg up there and insert foot and keep stretching.

Cop says how far and kid says about 6 feet. Cop says what would anyone do with a 6 foot a-hole. Kid says don't know about Arkansas but where I come from we park them behind a bridge and give them a radar gun.

He almost died laughing and said he had to get to the office to tell that to his friends before he left on vac. Sorry so long but was a true story.