Moving Forward Pt 2

by Angie

So I guess I am considered a Vet in the Truckers Wives Club. My hubbs has been on the road since 1988, mostly long haul. When he did drive locally for a certain company it felt like he was gone all the time. He never knew what his start time was so he would have to be in bed by 8pm and up anywhere from 2am to 5am home by 6 or 7pm. Worked most weekends so it was really no different than him being out all the time.

Back in those days we did not have the advantages we have now with cell phones so I started out as one of those wives that would babysit the phone and YES we had call waiting thank God, because I didn't want to ever miss his calls. It would also be hard on him if I did miss his calls because there was not always a working phone booth where he might stop for fuel or if he camped out at the truckstop so communication was hit and miss sometimes.

I finally started learning how to live my life without him and gaining independence from the phone and learning to deal with if he calls he will just have to leave a message on the answering machine and I will just have to wait to talk to him next time. Sometimes it was just as hard on the kids because they always wanted to talk to him and would hate to miss his calls.

Do I have any tips? I can only share what worked for us and what my husband has said he appreciated over the years in my efforts to keep things rolling along at home.

1. Try not to put too many demands on him when he is home because chances are he is exhausted and needs down time. He needs time to decompress. That doesn't mean he can't throw out the trash or mow the lawn, oh no, he needs to maintain involvement so the kids will learn from his example that he still has to take care of responsibilities at home.

2. DO NOT, LADIES AND STAY AT HOME HUBBYS, LET HIM LEAVE ON THAT TRUCK WITH ANY EXTRA EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE THAN NECESSARY!!! He is driving a lethal weapon and he needs to stay focused on driving and what is going on around him. You might as well get used to the idea that you are large and in charge when he is away.

3. When he comes home I know how it can get sticky when he wants to take over the discipline issues or he wants to move the couch...I suggest to keep peace, if a situation comes up with the kids you have a policy already in place that if the kids go to him first he says " you know what, how about I get back to on that in a little bit" and he tracks you down and you have a discussion about how to handle the child's request that way the kids are not splitting you because maybe mom has already told them no and they want dad to say yes. You will avoid alot of strife in your relationship and the kids will learn that you and your wife respect each other's opinion and that you back each other up. (And by the way, let him move the couch, he's leaving in a couple days, you can always move it back.) :)

4. Moms, it is not a good idea to play the "wait till your dad gets home thing" you will only stir up resentment in the child toward dad and they will stop looking forward to him coming home. Now there were incidences when hubbs would call home and there might be and issue going on with one of the kids and maybe it was important that Dad gave his input you have to be discerning and aware of what your husband maybe up against in the next several hours. If he is chillin in the bunk for the evening it might not be that big of a deal to have him have a discussion with your child. Kids need to know dad cares enough to take time out of his schedule for them too so just be wise in those situations. You don't want possibly the last thing a kid to remember is harsh words if something God forbid were to happen on the road to dad.

I have a lot more I could say but that is probably enough for now. Think about these things and discuss them with your husband or lady trucker.God bless and may God's protection be with your driver.

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Jun 22, 2012
When he quits driving! NEW
by: Linda

I agree with all your comments. My husband has been otr independant since before we married in 1981, my concern what it is going to be like when he stops. I have never had to actually live with him 24/7. It is going to be different.

Sep 29, 2009
by: Jennifer S

So very well put. It is almost word for word, and some other words lol, to what I have said. I have not been doing this nearly as long.

WTG on the successful years, and the foresight to see exactly what it was that he needed way before it was needed!

Wonderful to see your input, please feel free to continue!


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