Losing my mind, my patience, and my heart
(L.A., CA USA)
Howdy ladies & possibly gents.
I've been with my OTR driver bf for a little over 3 years. He's been driving for over a year and a half. Recently we had a big talk about whether we should keep "trucking" or should we let it go.
He said he realized he was being selfish by leaving me alone for so many weeks at a time and then popping me out of his back pocket when he wanted me. (His words) While I appreciate the honesty- I'm so conflicted. I'm young, attractive, w/o kids and spend so much alone.
I want to start my own life but I'm stuck. I love him. He makes me laugh, he has done things that show he's crazy about me but then other times he won't call for days.
When he started driving he would message me, we'd talk and he was making it home at least once a month. Then last year (2015) he started staying out on the road longer. Some times 6 or more weeks have gone by & he hasn't come home.
He has said coming home is stressing because he feels like he has to be everything to his kids, get rest, take care of business, see me, and there isn't enough time. Then at times he comes home but i see him for a few hours of alone time then he spends the rest of the week with his kid or his mom.
I don't get in the middle of his kids but after being away for over a month I need more than 6-8 hours of face time. I try to be understanding and not give him too much guff but it's hard because I'm still a youngish woman with needs!
I dated a trucker before this but somehow this feels different. He's given me every reason about why he doesn't call much, but I feel like there has to be give and take. I call then you call. Not me all the time. He even said he doesn't consider the amount of time that we don't speak while he's driving because being on the road takes up his whole thought process. (WTF) He says he's driving so hard so he can make a better life but I'm unsure where I fit in to that.
His plans to come off the road have gotten stiffled and I feel the clock is just ticking. We've playfully discussed marriage but no solid plan. We have no kids together and truthfully a piece of me is dying just thinking about not having him in my life.
I would appreciate any advice or suggestions, especially from some of you who've really been down this road.