Is She Just another driver?

by Shannon
(Richmond, VA)

My husband lost a great job 6 months after purchasing our dream home. He could not find a job, so went to school and received his CDL.

He was employed within a week and has been on the road ever since. We have been married 23 years, and I have worked full time all my life. We accumulated a lot of debt, mostly on my credit, trying to survive. We would have taken such a lost on our home if we had sold it.
I have " kept the home fire burning", taking care of everything. I haven't had a vacation in 10 years, sold jewelry, been a good and faithful wife, and gone through all my savings trying to keep us with a decent credit rating.

He comes home for @ 36 hours on the weekend, and like so many other wives/girlfriends, the calls home have become scarce.

Six weeks ago, He left his cell phone inside, and I heard it ringing, guessing it was from dispatch, I ran to answer it. I missed the call, and when I looked to see callers, I found a guy's name I had never heard him mention. There were a lot of calls between them. He tells me about all his buddies, and I have met several of them. When I asked about "Danny", he
told me, "Just another driver". I had copied the number down, and called it twice from other phones. Both times a woman answered.

I asked him to tell me about him. His description was vague. Tall, @ 57 years old, medium build, lived near Tennessee. I asked him If he was married, and he said he didn't know.

Let me say in 23 years of marriage, while I don't think he has ever had a physical affair, he has had some fun on the internet early in our marriage. This hurt me to the core, and he swore he wouldn't do it again. Right after he lost his job, and I'm at work, he started it again. This was 5 years ago. Again, I found out and told him I can't go through this again.

He cried, promised me that was the end of it, and vowed he loved me more than anything in this world, and didn't want to lose me.

I called dispatch a week after finding Danny's number, and asked to speak to him. They told me I must be looking for Danielle, but everyone called her Danny.

I know there are women drivers, and I had asked him if there were any in his company. He told me no, not in his group. When I told him him I found out "Danny" was a woman, he played it off telling me she was just another driver and didn't tell me because he knew I would be upset.

Guess what? yes, I am very upset. With his past history,I think I have every right to be.
We went in together on a cell phone plan in January, and when I requested the phone records, 3 and 1/2 months of calls showed he had been talking to her a lot. To be fair, he does talk to the guys for hours at a time, however, some mornings she was his first call, and at nights, his last. One night he called me @ 9:45 PM, talked to me @ 15 minutes, then called her and talked to her until 1:30 in the morning. Then his first call the next morning, was to her. He says all the guys kinda look out for her. He has even made reservations for her at TA's. He says she pays him back by leaving money for the reservation at dispatch, just like the guys.
No, it's not an every day first and last call, but there are several. Yes, he was parked the night the long conversation took place, not driving.

He barely finds time to call me, but yet, finds time to talk to her. Granted, it's not everyday, just when she is on the road. There have been days he hasn't had the time to call me, but yet, there were plenty of calls to her and everyone else.

This has caused a huge problem in our marriage. I have had several heartbreaking events this year, but yet he never has time to talk to me about them. When I asked him what did they talk about, he said her children, and trucking things. He couldn't remember any of the conversations. Just someone to talk to he says. He has time to listen to her life, but not his wife's? She has a boyfriend, who is a driver also, but he doesn't like to talk while driving. How convinent.

I am always the one doing the forgiving it seems, and his life continues on. He can justify anything. He said he was sorry, and said I was making way too much out of it and all would be fine when I realized this.

No, not this time. I can't get past his lying. I just don't trust him.

He now has his own cell phone bill, and says he doesn't talk to her anymore. Almost two years of talking to her, and he is going to abruptly stop? I don't think so. I asked him had she tried calling him, and he said no. However, she has asked the other truckers about him.

I can't sleep, having chest pains, and my emotions go from being hurt to being mad.

I would like to know how others feel about this.