He's leading a double life...Help!

I am in a long-term relationship with a man who is the absolute love of my life. This year he found himself at a crossroad. Being desperate for work, he got his CDL and hit the road.

Having spent all our time together for the past 10 years, the separation was more overwhelming than words can express.

A couple months ago, he ran into some issues at work which put him under review. Since then, things haven't been the same. He suddenly stopped packing food and went from a huge suitcase to a carry-on. He used to come home wearing his ID badge...haven't seen it since. His schedule is erratic and there doesn't seem to be any consistency.

Knowing him better than I know myself, I'm 100% sure he isn't driving anymore, but he continues to pretend he is. I also know that he's been spending time with another woman who shares his passion for social dance. He insists they're just "friends", but I don't buy it.

I'm trying to bide my time and give him the space to work through whatever is going on in his life, but I've about reached the end of my rope.

I'm considering asking him to "quit" his job and concentrate on a part-time non-trucking opportunity that will keep him at home. I really need some advice ladies! I know he has no intention of leaving our relationship, but I also know I deserve better than this.

What would you do in my shoes?

Devastated in Denver

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Sep 07, 2012
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by her own words NEW
by: Anonymous

no one is trying to hurt this person, she asked for comments and she came on site with her mind made up, so she was only hunting for someone to tell her its okay for someone she is suppose to love goes on and uses her and then takes off with another women she knows exist???? really what do you want us to tell her? to stand by this idiot? come on now thats not be supportive thats sending the wrong message.
OMGosh

Sep 07, 2012
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I feel bad for her NEW
by: Anonymous

Don't be so hard on this woman ladies, read between the lines. She's deeply wounded in the matters of her heart, and she knows she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. I can feel her pain. I can tell she's mourning the death of a love relationship, and that's why she can't let go yet. So many people are so quick to judge, and the posts I have read, are mean and heartless. I feel bad for this woman, because she is hurting. It hurts to be sincere in your love with someone, and find out they have betrayed you. You can't start over, until you mourn the death of a relationship. Thank goodness she isn't married.

Sep 06, 2012
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now your sticking up for him?? NEW
by: Anonymous

Okay it made no sense in coming on this site to argue with what you asked for (help) in the first place. If you want some one to validate that you should stand by your man no matter what than you need to look for that information from your Mother. We are in the 21st century here.

If you think what he is doing is okay and you think you need to give him another chance well by all means do it?? But to ask for help was a deceiving on your part as well, because you already had your mind made up to stick it out before ever stopping by here. You two belong together.

So I must ask this, what is you real question???

Sep 06, 2012
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I am sorry NEW
by: Anonymous

You have been a relationship that has taken you no where...and have to pay all the bills??...you did not indicate that in your original post? So yes I had to ask.

So you have been taking care of this man's (boys) needs and this is what you get in return?

I have now made 3 points as to why you are in a bad situation....no one should have to pay any ones bills for them and you have by paying your rent on your house while he lives in it, so yes you are paying his portion too and that is by your choice alone.

So I think with all the information that has been brought to your attention should be an indication that this relationship is going no where.

If you do not like what you are hearing then you should not ask for suggestions we are only trying to help you see the light at this dark tunnel in which you live in....

As I do with all here I wish you the best in your life and God Bless..

Sep 06, 2012
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Answers to your questions... NEW
by: Devestated in Denver

I wish it were a novel, but it's true to life. This has been going on since mid-June, and yes, he has to pack a suitcase if he's staying elsewhere. I find it kinda funny that you automatically assume he pays the bills. How are they getting paid? I work! (it's my house)

I have caught him in several lies over the past months about being at dance events while he was supposed to be working (I've seen the pictures online), so that adds to the cause.

Why am I still there? I wonder that myself sometimes, but as I said, he's the love of my life who I've shared the past 10 years with. I feel it's more of a "mid-life crisis" situation than anything else, which is why I mentioned giving him some time. I don't believe in just abandoning someone even though he's not making the best decisions right now. Everyone makes mistakes in life and we all deserve forgiveness.

Thanks for your input...much appreciated!

Sep 06, 2012
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No Way! NEW
by: Anonymous

One of the most important parts of a relationship is trust,the other is communication.You can love somebody with your whole heart but,without those two things love is not enough.Sounds like you have lost both with your guy.Take it from a lady truck driver,this is a hard lonely life out here,but why are we out here? To make life better for the ones we LOVE at home.Advice? Move on.You are worth more than he is willing to give.BTW,ask for a paycheck stub and see what he says!

Sep 06, 2012
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No Way! NEW
by: Anonymous

One of the most important parts of a relationship is trust,the other is communication.You can love somebody with your whole heart but,without those two things love is not enough.Sounds like you have lost both with your guy.Take it from a lady truck driver,this is a hard lonely life out here,but why are we out here? To make life better for the ones we LOVE at home.Advice? Move on.You are worth more than he is willing to give.BTW,ask for a paycheck stub and see what he says!

Sep 06, 2012
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double life NEW
by: Anonymous

This almost sounds as though it is coming from one of those love novels? Really he is actually packing a suitcase and leaves and pretends he is working? How long has he been doing this for? How are the bills being paid if this is true? Something isn't right here?

But if he is going through all this trouble to deceive you, why would you want to hang out to see what he wants to do?? This to does not make sense.

Well if you want to stay with a dreamer that is your choice but I think you need to find someone else... who isn't fake, deceiving and or could care less about your feeling!

You are the only one who knows what you should do...so now go on and do it...there is not that much love that would make a person to stick around for more B.S.... unless of course you are use to it and you want to stay there???

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