Here we go again.

by Jennifer Schnittker
(butler, Pa)

A Response to the Letter

A Response to the Letter "From the Truck"

In March of this year, Keith called me with some unbearable news (or so he thought!) He announced that he had been laid off. He was extremely disappointed, but me?!?! I was of course ecstatic, I wanted to throw a party, and dance in the streets, but of course I could not tell him that! "Yes, 6 months with my husband at home with me."

Hey, in every drives wife there is some closeted hostility towards the job.

So on we went, remodeling the house, re-landscaping our yard. All the "honey-to-do's" that did not get done when he was gone, and I could simply not do by myself.

I ate up the time like a child in a candy shop getting her sugar rush. Loving each and every moment of the time home with Keith. I felt like a new woman, never taking for granted one moment that I had with him

(For those that don't know myself or Keith, we have a wonderful marriage in which we can spend 24/7 and never mince words)

The time came at 4 months into his lay off, that it was time to consider another employment oppertunity. With the industry the way it was, we fully expected that it would take a few months to find gainful employment.

Keith began looking for a job, and with in 2 days, found one.

"I got this."--or so I thought. I foolishly believed that being a truck drivers wife was much like riding a bike, and something you could pick right back up, and go on with.

WRONG! When he got the news last week- I was ok for a few days. Until Thursday hit. I began thinking about being alone again. Oh god, how am I going to do this I thought. I pondered on it long enough, that I had to excuse myself to go to the ladies room---and, yep that's right, cry my eyes out. "I don't want to do this again." I disappeared for too long I suppose. Keith was knocking on the door "Are you ok Angel?" He asked. Of course, through my sniffles I managed to mutter- "Yes, I am fine, I will be out in a minute."

Drying my eyes, I walked out to the computer, and sat down, trying not to look at Keith, sitting just a few feet away. But, despite my efforts, he was well aware of what I was feeling. He came over to my computer, and knelt down, looking up at me was all it took, and the tears began again.

"I dont want to be alone again." was all I could mutter. Tears began to fill his eyes as well. The pain that was twisting my heart, was twisting his as well.

I guess I foolishly thought that it was going to be easy for him as well.

He informed me that it was not something he "wanted to do, but something he had to do."

The week-end came and went before I knew it. Trying to be positive lasted until it was time for him to go.

Sunday night came, it was time for him to go. He only had to go a few hours away for training with his new company PGT.- "Where is your strength" I kept repeating to myself.

When the bags where packed I was in the kitchen, giving myself the prep talk I felt would get me through this. WRONG again!

He walked into the kitchen, and put his arms around me, When I looked in his eyes through my tears, I noticed they were in his eyes as well.

"Why does this have to be such hell?" I said aloud. I knew the answer. Despite the "misconception" about truck drivers being cold, and uncommitted. They are not! They are men that truly love their families, and hate to leave them as much as we hate them to leave.

Monday was a bit rough, it was the first day (again) of the rest of my life. I found myself crying intermittently, every time I heard his voice, I wanted to beg him to come home, beg him to not do this to me again. But I didn't. I kept my composure.

Tuesday, yet another day from hell- God, How am I going to do this, do I still have what it takes?

Wednesday, it was like a ton of bricks that hit me. HELLO JEN--POSITIVE THINKING GIRLFRIEND. Sooo began the "I am ok, You are Ok" belief.

Thursday (Today) has been much better- I spent time being me--the proactive, positive thinking woman that I am. I found tag's online, and a very cute poem from "The Truck", after reading this. I decided I was going to write my own.

Letter to a Truckers Wife
Its time we had a talk about the one you call your man

I Know how much you love him, but I'll steal him if I can

You know even when he's with you thoughts of me are in his head

But then I have heard him call your name when he is in my bed

He calls me his baby and holds me so tight

He whispers secrets to me as we travel through the night

He buys me lots of little things he loves me to shine

I take him places that you cant in my bid to make him mine

Dont try to use your children, you see they like me too

But even when they are with me, I know they are missing you

I realize you love him, and I wish you lots of luck

Just remember he is almost mine

--Sincerely signed "The Truck"

I got such a kick out of this, that I wrote one back to the truck--lol go figure right..

It is added as the picture for this story.

In the end, something so simple caused me to start thinking positively, being proactive again has pulled me out of the muck of my own depression..

Despite it all. The lesson I learned was this. They don't want to leave any more than we want them to leave. My own self pity was truly the cause of my depression, not some alternative universe that I was warped into despite what I wanted.

I love my "driver", and what ever it takes, I will stand strong, and keep the homestead running!

Hope you enjoy my poem back to the truck- The homewrecking, steal and rubber mistress of the night- Rofl ;) (Hey all of us drivers wives feel that way, I am just the first to voice it on here!)

Comments for Here we go again.

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Jul 14, 2009
Hey girl
by: Marni


So very glad you found the site. Yes, I know what it is, the heart wrenching loneliness that we all feel. I found this site in a desperate attempt to realize that I was still "sane in my world of insanity". It made me realize that I was in more need than ever of some type of support group. Though I have found a few, When I found this site, I found HOME! I have been here since (well except for the 4 months Keith was home---)

It is nice to know that other women understand, and know first hand the challenges that this life style presents.

Its not ever "easy" but dealing with it gets better.

Keith is now gone almost 2 full weeks. Our youngest daughter's birth day is Friday--sigh, yet another day that he will likely NOT be here to share.

I do know he hates leaving. But you just gotta do, whatcha gotta do.

Amazingly, everything happens for a reason- See you adding Keith (a high school classmate)to face book, may have given you yet another avenue for support ;)

Please, feel free to become part of this....although you are a newbie, make yourself a profile, and keep a blog of how it affects you, how you feel, how your dealing with things. This type of information can only aide in helping someone else going through the same struggles.

I am in the process of yet writting another article as we speak (already finished the one we spoke about on face book--) This one is directly to the drivers. There are those (not our men) that neglect what they have at home, and do not realize what they are doing to us spouses that are left holding the bag!

Anyway, Make a profile, and keep a blog, I would love to see things through your eyes...

and again Welcome my friend, so very glad to have you here!


Jul 14, 2009
Same Feelings
by: Marni

Wow this is a great write. Even though I am new to this I have all the same feelings. Phil was home for 4 months when he was let go from his previous job. When he came up with driving a truck I said "Sure its a job" not realizing what actually was going to happen. I got so used to him being here with me (which I wasn't since he was gone a lot with his other job) that the looming separation was weighing heavy on my mind and my heart.

Well the company that he first worked for, he was home on weekends which was wonderful. BUT that company carried GM parts....need I say more. The miles became less and less and the waiting for loads became longer and longer and the waiting wasnt at home with me.

So on to another company.....Reefer runs...gone all the time. Three to four weeks at a time. Not sure Im going to like that much. There are times that I just sit and wait for the phone to ring.

Last time he was home I heard him pull up and I was outside. Hes waving me off because he said he was "rank" and needed a shower. Didnt care...just stood there hugging him and just taking him all back into my heart. It was great to have him around again, even for just a few days. I dont mean for just the intimate times...I mean just sitting together watching tv.....or just the conversations.
Anyway....Im new to this and as it wont get easier hopefully it I will learn to accept the moments that we have weather they are in person or just on the phone. Thank you for all your words of what you are going through because, for me, its nice to know that what I'm feeling isn't so foreign. And I also have to remember that although he loves his new career that he too is missing home. That he misses just holding my hand and especially is missing being around his grandson, who loves his Papa.
Love the poem!!!

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